Single Living: Selfish or Selfless?

I so enjoyed the conversation Karen began on Friday about whether single women should live at home, and devoured all thirty-three of your comments. Thanks for contributing! At the risk of setting myself up as an authority on this matter (I’m not!), I’d like to tag onto Karen’s post. Not with thoughts about living with your parents, but . . .

One afternoon last summer, I was sitting on Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ deck catching her up on what was going on in my life . . . after a wonderful year living alone in a rental home, several people were adamantly encouraging me to move because they were concerned for my safety.

That’s when Nancy did it—dropped the bomb. At least it felt that way to me. She, too, was concerned for my safety, but she added another dynamic. Knowing how much I wanted to be married, she encouraged me not to live alone. I can’t remember her exact words, but she said that when we live alone, we tend to get set in our ways. Maybe it doesn’t sound crazy to you, but at the time it sounded so . . . counter-cultural! I didn’t like hearing it, and yet, it stuck with me as . . . true.

I prayed and sought counsel and considered my options (which included visiting a gun shop and looking into security systems!). In His kindness and creativity, the Lord led me to move to a new home that included the best of both worlds. I actually live with a family four months out of the year, and then house-sit while they travel around the country the other eight months. When they leave, I adjust to single life. When they come home, I adapt to family life.

Obviously, everyone doesn’t have access to this kind of living situation. But, it does make me want to ask you, single sister:

  • Even if you don’t live with someone else . . . are you being intentional about living unselfishly in other areas of your life? (’Cause it sure won’t happen if you’re not intentional!) 
  • Are you open to receiving counsel from others?
  • Are you moving toward community and inviting others into your life, or shutting them out?
  • Are you actively preparing to lay down your life for others should God call you to be a wife and mom? (Let’s face it—even if we don’t get married, this will not be wasted preparation!)

That said . . . how do you do this on a daily basis?! (I would love to hear and learn from you!)

Did you discover God’s Truth today?

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About the Author

Paula Marsteller

Paula Marsteller

Paula has served with Revive Our Hearts for thirteen years. She is the author of Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl: On Her Journey from Neediness to Freedom. There's nothing she loves to share more than the gospel-centered truths that have so transformed her own life: what it means on a daily basis to be "dead to sin, alive to God, and in Christ Jesus." Paula, Trevor, and their son, Iren, make their home in New York.

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