Accidents Happen

Laura Booz: In one week’s time I heard from two different friends who had been in two different car accidents.

Now, I want to tell you right off the top that everyone is okay. 

My one friend was just driving along chatting with her son who was sitting in the back seat, and suddenly, she was t-boned by a truck. She said that it was terrifying to be stuck in her car with no way out. 

And my other friend was just driving along when she rear-ended the car in front of her. She is a very careful person, and in thirty years of driving she had never been in an accident before. To make matters worse, she knew the passengers in the other car, and she was devastated. 

Even though one of my friends was the victim of an accident and the other friend caused the accident, I was struck by their similar responses. They had so much in common. Both women felt like their world stopped. 

Neither of them expected this or wanted this to happen. But there they were, having to assess the damage, having to make sure everyone was okay, having to save people and clean up, and having to go back and piece together what might have happened. 

Both of them have reflected on the accident, far more than they ever would have liked to. It’s just that their minds are trying to figure out what went wrong so they can avoid the same thing in the future. 

And of course, both of my friends talked about that they needed help, and knowing that it would take time and space for them to heal and get on the other side of this. Both women had to face financial costs and inconvenience. 

And I think that now, both women are different: they drive differently. They think differently. They live differently. 

And what I noticed is, no matter which side of the accident the woman was on, she had so much heartache to deal with afterwards. I was thinking about how hard it is to get underneath an accident and figure out what caused it in the first place.

Sometimes you can put your finger on it. Sometimes you can identify that it was just pure negligence, maybe due to distraction or ignorance or immaturity. Maybe an accident occurs because of a lack of understanding or a lack of experience or just clumsiness. Maybe it’s due to an unchangeable disability to do any better. 

Of course, like many accidents, maybe it just comes down to happenstance—being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes you just never know what really caused it in the first place. 

Well, it was interesting, because I was hearing these stories while I was trying to understand a verse from the book of Philippians. 

Have you ever been in a conflict with another Christian, and you don’t even know where it came from? You just know that you are hurt. And things between you and your sister or brother are awkward and strange?

That might have been the case for two women we read about in the book of Philippians. It’s a letter that Paul wrote to the church in Philippi. And in Philippians 4:2, he writes this, 

I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life. (vv. 2–3)

I read back through the entire letter and I saw Paul laying a foundation for this moment when he would speak personally to these two women—these sisters in Christ whom he loved.

I think it’s so interesting that Paul entreats each woman by name. Do you know what “entreat” means? It means to ask someone earnestly or anxiously to do something. I wondered why it felt so pressing to Paul? 

I wonder if when he was writing that sentence he was still shedding tears from his previous remark in the paragraph before, when he was writing about people who walk as enemies of Christ? 

I can see here his heart is full of love for these women whose citizenship is in heaven with him, and how he longs for them to stand firm in the Lord and enjoy the gift of their salvation and their sisterhood. 

And so, he writes, “I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche with all of my heart to agree in the Lord.” Each woman will answer to the Lord for her own personal response to this conflict. She can’t control what the other will say or do or even if the other woman will be up for making peace. But she can control if she’ll come to the table and be willing to talk. 

Each woman can receive God’s enabling grace to seek peace and pursue it. She can only answer for her own behavior. She only answers for her own words and actions and can only trust God with the other woman’s response.

He uses their names, because as he writes, these same names are in the Lamb’s Book of Life. They are held faithfully by Christ Himself. He will not fail because He will see them through to the end. They will overcome. They are His.

I’m grateful that Paul uses their names, because the Greek meaning gives us a glimpse as to what may have happened between them. The name Euodia means, “fine traveling, help on the road, to succeed in reaching a destination, a prosperous journey.” And the name Syntyche, well it means, “an accident, to chance together, meet with, come at.” All though Scripture doesn’t provide details about their disagreement, I wonder if what happened between these two women was simply an accident?

This is worth our investigation, because some of the conflicts in the church are relational accidents. 

I mean, have you ever been Euodia? Just traveling along, doing your thing, and then suddenly somebody knocks the wind out of you? They say something that just cuts right to your heart. Or they misrepresent you. Or they overlook you. They fail to appreciate you. And it hurts. 

Or have you ever been Syntyche? You’re just traveling along and then suddenly you say the wrong thing at the wrong time? You make the wrong joke. You space out and forget someone’s name or an important detail you should have remembered. Or you were trying to help someone out by being honest, and you forgot to cover it in love.

Or maybe like me, your personality just gets you in trouble again. You’re trying to do your job only to discover that somewhere along the way, you hurt somebody else.

Well, that hurts too. 

Relational accidents are costly, and it can take a long time to heal. 

I know, I’ve been there; I’ve done that.

But if we look back in Philippians 4, we remember how passionate Paul is that these two women agree in the Lord. He must have a clear understanding of the circumstances so that he can advise them that there’s peace to be made here. This was not a situation where they needed boundaries, or they needed distance, or they needed separation. 

Instead, this was a situation where they could come together in the Lord. Now, I kind of daydream about what that would be like, sitting down with Euodia and Syntyche. Maybe being the true companion that he appeals to help them, help them agree in the Lord. It’s not always easy. 

I wonder if maybe it would be helpful to sit down with them and to draw a Venn diagram on a piece of paper. Have you ever seen a Venn diagram? That’s spelled v-e-n-n. Basically, it’s two individual circles that are brought together to overlap in the middle. So that individual circle maintains its own distinct area, and it also shares an area with the other circle. Venn diagrams are used to show two things that have differences and then similarities. 

And I think it would first be helpful to explore the differences between these women. How did each one interpret the circumstances? What did she hear? What did she feel? How did it affect her, and what did it cost? How was she hurt? How does her personality process these things? What is her background? How did it maybe push some of her buttons? Or touch some raw nerves? Or dredge up bad feelings? Difficult memories?

I think it would be helpful for each woman to have her time to share and to listen. And to consider moving to that shared space. And to talk about how they do agree in the Lord. What do they have in common because they’ve placed their faith in Christ? 

Maybe the examples would start to come up slowly. I believe we are both created by God and called by Him and loved by Him. I believe we are both sinners, and we’re both merely human. 

I believe that Jesus is our everything and that He died on the cross for our sin. And here I imagine the conversation picking up momentum. We both rely fully on Him. We believe that He rose from the grave, and He is at God’s right hand, praying for us right now. 

He fully intends to bring us to heaven with Him to create a new earth. We are gathered with people from every tribe and tongue and language, and we will worship Him together. We will reflect on our lives here on earth and have one story, and it will be that He was faithful. 

I believe that we were created for His glory, to enjoy Him forever, together. Just imagine that if Euodia and Syntyche could start to see the ways that they agreed in the Lord. They would have some real traction under their feet, to walk forward in a restored relationship with one another. 

It will take time. It will take prayer and wisdom and compassion and patience with one another. 

But I believe once they can see how they agree in the Lord, they will see a path forward. 

You know, we can respond in so many ways after a relational accident. It can get real ugly, real fast. Even in the Church, even amongst Christians. Now, our thoughts can get us spinning and our big emotions can come plowing through. We can start to distance ourselves from one another. We start to misinterpret each other’s words and behaviors, seeing the worst instead of seeing the best. We can start rolling our eyes and judging and gossiping and taking sides.

But our heavenly Father calls us to something better, and we learn about it through Euodia and Syntyche, because the apostle Paul goes on to write the most glorious advice to any two people who are reeling from the aftermath of a relational accident. 

Here’s what he says to do, 

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Phil. 4:4–9)

Remember that Venn diagram I described earlier? With each woman’s differences surrounding what they have in common. Remember how powerful it would be if Euodia and Syntyche could just see all that they agree upon in the Lord? 

Now, let’s look at things from God’s perspective. As He wraps His arms around that entire Venn diagram, all differences and similarities, only then will we get a glimpse of the picture of what it means for two precious women to agree in the Lord as He holds the whole story, with every circumstance and every complexity in His very capable, loving, faithful, peace-making hands. 

Oh, heavenly Father, thank You for caring for our relationships—particularly for the many occasions when we come up against each other, when we crash and collide and unintentionally hurt one another. These conflicts are no surprise to You. We matter to You at every point along the way. You will redeem everything that is broken. Please give us grace to wait on You and agree in the Lord, amen. 

Expect Something Beautiful is a production of Revive Our Hearts, calling women to freedom, fullness, and fruitfulness together in Christ.