The Benefits of Forgiveness

Series: Forgiveness: Setting Your Captives Free

Leslie Basham: Yesterday, Lorna Wilkinson told Nancy Leigh DeMoss her incredible story of forgiveness. Here’s some of what we heard.

Lorna Wilkinson: The marriage was just plagued with alcoholism and mistrust. After years of dealing with those issues, I just wanted to be free. After I filed for divorce, I purchased a used vehicle from a friend. The radio was still on and you came on. I couldn’t touch that dial. You spoke of 1 Corinthians 13. That program just went around in my mind.

A couple of days later, I was driving home from work and I gave my life to Jesus. At that point the divorce was filed and I had asked my husband to leave. A few days later, I received a call that he had had a heart attack—at that point my heart was softened. With all the tubes and all the things that were attached to him I whispered in his ears, “I want you to come home, Honey. I love you and we’ll work it out.”

After that it was just like a miracle that occurred in our home, Nancy. There was so much love in our home. It’s just impossible for me to use words to describe what the Lord did for us. Nancy, four months later my husband woke me up and he said, “Lorna, I want to tell you right now that a man should love his wife as God has loved us.” Then he said, “I want to tell you at this moment that I love you that way.”

Nancy, those were the very last words spoken from my husband. A few hours later he had another massive heart attack and went home to be with the Lord.

Leslie: It’s Tuesday, October 10th, and this is Revive Our Hearts with author and speaker, Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

If you missed any of yesterday’s program you can hear it at ReviveOurHearts.com. Today, Lorna will continue her story of forgiveness. Here’s Nancy to get us started.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Lorna, have you ever stopped to think about, ”What if you hadn’t bought that car; hadn’t turned on that radio; hadn’t heard that Christian radio station; hadn’t heard that message on forgiveness and hadn’t gone back to your husband and reconciled the relationship?” Have you thought about where you’d be today and what would be different in your heart if God hadn’t taken you through that process?

Lorna: Nancy, I know for a fact that I would have been a lost soul. I trust in the Lord, and I know that the Lord will recover all circumstances. But I don’t know that I would even have known the Lord in the manner in which I know Him today.

I know what would have happened is that my husband would have died away from home, and we would have just been called and notified of his death. The children’s lives would have been totally in shambles; my life would have been in total shambles.

I don’t know where I would have been—probably in some deep depression; I can’t say. But one thing I can say is that the Lord stepped in at the right time and the right place and provided me with total recovery.

So for those women and men who may be listening to this program, I just want to ask you to trust in the Lord. Do not give up on your marriage; do not give up on your spouse. Take it to the Lord in prayer and always remember what you are not able to do for yourself, the Lord will do it in you.

As I prayed that prayer, “Lord, I’m lost; I cannot do this. I don’t even feel a love for my husband at this time. But, You have all the love. You have enough love that You gave Your Son, Jesus Christ, to die such a brutal death on the cross at Calvary. You have enough love for me, and everybody else. Lord, will You let Your love flow through me?” That is the prayer you’ll need to pray.

He will just remove all the frustration, all the bitterness, all the anger, all the lack of forgiveness that you had harbored in your heart; and He will replace it with a heart of love and the heart of compassion. He will replace it—so do not give up.

Do not give up because Satan is out there to kill, steal, and destroy—that’s his focus. First of all, he will always try to attack the home because when the home is broken, all else is broken; each individual in that home is broken. Satan is waging wars in our homes. We have to call him a liar; we have to call Satan a liar to his face and to let him know God is in control.

God has conquered death and Satan is under the feet of Jesus. If Jesus is in our lives, then he’s under our feet as well. We have to just have that strength, courage, and knowledge that God is in control, and that He will never let us down.

Nancy: Lorna, I know we have a lot of listeners who are where you were those years ago: living in a marriage that seems hopeless; they’ve given up. Maybe their bags are packed; maybe they’ve already left, or in their heart they’ve left that marriage. They’re disillusioned, discouraged, disappointed. They don’t think that anything can ever restore love in that marriage.

You’ve just given an incredible story of hope; of God’s grace; of God’s forgiveness for you—flowing through you to your husband. I wonder if you would just take a moment here, and pray for those listeners who need God to do in their life today what He did in your life those years ago.

They need a restoration; they need to be forgiven for their bitterness, for their unforgiveness, for their anger, and for their hatred. I wonder if you would just lead us in praying for those listeners—for a work of God’s grace in their hearts today.

Lorna: Yes, I will Nancy.

Gracious and loving Father, we just thank You for this day. Father, this is indeed a day that You have made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Heavenly Father, I know today there are many bleeding, hurting hearts who probably have their bags packed; who have filed for divorce as I did a few years ago, Lord God.

But Father God, I pray that You will speak to their hearts, and just let them know that You are God. You will never forsake them; You have promised that You will be with us even until the end of times, Lord God.

Father God, I just pray that You will restore their marriage, dear Lord Jesus, and that You will give them the grace and the power of forgiveness. Lord God, that You, by Your Son, have forgiven us for so many things that we have done; so many sins that we have committed.

Who are we, Lord, not to be able to forgive our spouses of the sins that they’ve committed? God, I pray that You will speak to their hearts, dear Lord Jesus, and that You will give them the power of forgiveness so that they will be released from the burdens they carry, the burdens that they are unable to get out of. All that they can focus on is the hurt, the pain, the sorrows, and the frustrations.

But Lord God, You are there; You are there, and You’ll always be there. God, I pray that You will give them a focus on You, dear Lord Jesus, and that they will not focus on their immediate circumstances but they will keep their eyes on Jesus, the loving Father, the forgiving One, the faithful One, and the just One.

Lord God, Job 36:11 tells us that if we obey and serve Him we shall spend the rest of our days in prosperity and our years in pleasure and in joy (paraphrased). So Lord, I pray that those of us listening out there today will be blessed and that they will be able to bring their trials and tribulations to You and to know without a doubt in their hearts that You will be faithful and just. This we ask, through the loving name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Nancy: I do thank You, Lord, for this great, great testimony of Your grace and Your power. You are so great, so powerful, so good, and so merciful. Thank You, Lord, for what You did for Lorna and for her husband.

Thank you for Christian radio. Thank you for that station in Houston and for other stations around the country that are partnering with us to share this message. Thank you for that friend who sold the car to Lorna and had the radio tuned to that Christian radio station.

Thank you, Lord, for friends of this ministry who partnered with us to provide the resources for us to air the program that day. Thank you, Lord, for Your incredible providence and love, for drawing Lorna’s heart to Yourself, for Your mercy and Your forgiveness toward her, and for changing her heart that was so hard.

She was so lost; she said how her husband was lost, but she also was lost. Thank you for coming into her life, for saving her, and for redeeming her. Thank you that You are a redeeming God who is making all things new. This testimony is just a glimpse, Lord, of many, many miracles that You want to do in people’s lives. Not only today, but for all of eternity. You will be getting praise and glory as we see the wonders of Your redeeming love.

Thank you, Lord, for this miracle. Thank you for this sister; thank you for her testimony; thank you for Your continued grace in her life. Thank you that now You are a husband to the widow and You are a Father to the fatherless.

Lord, I pray for these children, that they will continue to experience Your grace and Your presence in their lives; that they will grow to know, love, and serve You, as Lorna has in these recent years.

Lord, we thank You. We pray for much fruit to come through this testimony. We pray for many lives to be healed, for forgiveness to flow from many, many hearts and many, many homes, for Your glory, Lord Jesus, and for the sake of Your great kingdom. I pray in Jesus’ name, amen.

Much love to you! Blessings! I look forward to seeing you next time that I’m in Houston.

Lorna: I look forward to it, Nancy. I just pray that the Lord will continue to bless Revive Our Hearts. It’s such a joy to listen to you; it’s just so wonderful, and I know that many, many lives have been touched. I owe it to you, through the blessings of the Lord, that He touched me in such a profound manner to turn a life totally around.

Now, I’m so excited and so happy and have this wonderful relationship with the Father that I had no idea, two years ago, that I would be sitting in this place glorifying the Lord and praising Him in this way.

It’s just an incredible thing, and I just pray that this ministry will be blessed and that the funds will come in to keep the productions going because this is so wonderful. Sometimes we don’t even realize how many people and how many lives are changed as a result of these types of programs.

Leslie: That’s Lorna Wilkinson, whose life will forever be marked by the choice she made to forgive.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss has met so many women like Lorna, over the years, who have been through so much hurt. Like Lorna, some have learned to forgive. Others have held onto bitterness and anger for years.

Wherever you are along in that process, I hope you’ll get a copy of Nancy’s new book, Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom. It’ll help you discover any areas of bitterness you’re holding onto, and then it will take you through a process of forgiveness and complete healing.

To find out more about Choosing Forgiveness, visit ReviveOurHearts.com. We’ll send you a copy when you make a donation of $18 or more.

The story we just heard shows how much joy forgiveness can bring. When you forgive, it benefits you a lot, but Holly Elliff says there’s also another reason to forgive.

Holly Elliff: I think the reality is that if we claim to be believers, we can’t get around the fact that we are commanded in God’s Word to forgive.

Leslie: During our current series called, Forgiveness: Setting Your Captive Free, some friends have been reflecting on this topic for us. Nancy’s talking with Kim Wagner, Maria Johnson, Kathy Helvey, and Holly Elliff.

Holly: If I claim to be a believer, that makes forgiveness not an option for me. Now, walking through that process may be difficult, but it makes it not an option.

I love Ephesians. Ephesians 4 says, “[But] speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him” (verse 15). Sometimes, learning to forgive is part of a growing-up process. It’s really hard because there are tough choices.

It takes a lot of courage for a wife whose husband has been unfaithful to her and has lied to her to choose to forgive. But for a believer, it’s not really an option.

Nancy: Go on down and read verse 32.

Holly: I would like to start with verse 30 because it says, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed.” We belong to him. Then it says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (verses 31-32).”

Nancy: And that’s the key.

Holly: I would have to be extremely arrogant to say—if God has forgiven me for everything in my life, and spent His life for my salvation—I do not have what I need to be able to forgive. Scripture says that I can forgive because I have been so greatly forgiven.

Kathy Helvey:  What is amazing to me, Holly,when we do forgive, or when I watch other women forgive things that look very difficult to forgive; there is the beautiful work that God brings out of that.

I’m thinking of a couple that you and Nancy both know where this helped them. We walked with them through a huge offense. Early in their marriage the husband was on staff at a church and committed adultery against this young woman. We watched her make the choice of forgiveness when some friends and people in the secular world would say, “Just leave him! He’s not worth it. You’re young; you’ve got a lot going for you. Just move on and put this behind you.”

She chose the path of forgiveness. Now to see their marriage and their family and the beautiful work that God has done, it could only be by that supernatural work of God; from the grace of forgiveness.

Nancy: I think that word grace is so huge here. If it weren’t for grace, we could not forgive; we couldn’t bear these offenses. Go back to Hebrews 12. “See to it that no one misses the grace of God” (verse 15). That means for every circumstance, for every hurt, for every wrong—the huge, off the chart things and the little everyday irritants—God has grace.

We do one of two things: we either obtain the grace of God to respond to the person who has hurt us in a way that is Christ-like, or if we don’t receive God’s grace—it’s not that He doesn’t have grace—but, if we don’t receive it, then that “‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (verse 15).

When I think of that verse . . . Do you have Kudzu down here? It’s amazing. I mean, it’s horrible; it’s obnoxious. It starts as just a little ground cover.

Holly: It’s a plant, by the way, for those of you who are not watching. Nancy’s fingers at this moment trying to emulate a plant.

Nancy: It takes over; it’s a vine, and it spreads so fast. Then, once it takes over, there’s no getting rid of it, hardly.

Maria Johnson: It destroys; it can take down massive trees. It destroys everything that it surrounds, and that’s exactly what bitterness does, that root of bitterness.

Kathy: Zap Kudzu. Nip Kudzu in the bud.

Holly: Even to just apply that a little bit, it really looks pretty on the outside. It covers up all the stuff underneath it, and it looks okay from the outside. I used to really like the way it looked until I realized it was a parasite and killed everything it touched.

If we’re not careful . . . I said to a young gal this week, “You’re not making this choice for you. You’re making this choice for your children because they are learning from their mom how to respond when something evil comes into your life. When you get hurt, what do you do? The choice you make is going to affect lots of people, not just you. It’s never just about us.”

The truth about either giving life or bringing death into that circumstance is huge.

My husband uses a definition of forgiveness that I love. He says, “Forgiveness is a humble act of my will, made possible by God’s grace, to release a debt by faith so that God can be seen in my circumstance.”

Kathy: Your husband also has said, and I think of it all the time when I talk about forgiveness . . . I’ll never forget him saying, “You never look more like Christ than when you forgive.”

Holly: Right. Doing it by faith means that I can forgive and release the outcome to the Father. I don’t have to bring justice to that person; I don’t have to make them pay. I do it as a choice of my will, but I do it by God’s grace. It is not something I have to initiate; it is something I have to yield to.

As I yield, God reproduces His life through me as I choose to allow Him.

Maria: It changes our feelings because we’re so “feeling-oriented,” especially as women. Sometimes, I think we get caught up into thinking that we have to “feel” the forgiveness before we give it or before we take that step.

But God so beautifully . . . I know in all of our lives, and of those that are listening, if they don’t believe it’s going to be true—if you do it first, the feelings will proceed; maybe not instantly, but they will come. God in His love and grace for us will even give us that, but not on the front-end, a lot of times. The more horrific the situation that you have to forgive, the more by faith and non-feeling we have to make that choice, don’t we?

Kim Wagner: That brought to mind what you said about feelings sometimes coming first. I try and teach my children and my students the “blessing principle.” All the time I hear, “Miss Wagner, you should have heard what they said to me.”

My son has people in his life that he could mark as a bully or an enemy or something like that. I’ve encouraged him again with 1 Peter, “Do not render railing for railing or insult for insult, but instead bless those who are your enemy or persecute you” (3:9, paraphrase). He said, “Mom, it worked and it felt so good. I was walking down the hall at school, and he was standing there. He was just glaring at me. I just smiled at him and said, ‘How’s it going?’ and then I just kept walking.”

He said, “Right before I did that, it ran through my mind what you’ve taught me about the "blessing principle" and how could I bless him. At that moment I just smiled and said, ‘How’s it going?’” Then he said, “You should have seen him. He looked so shocked that I reacted to him like that. Mom, it felt so good. I want to start doing that more.”

Nancy: In that way you’re overcoming evil with good, instead of being overcome by evil.

Leslie: Nancy Leigh DeMoss has been talking with a group of women, who are learning to be forgivers. Like we just heard, they’re teaching their children to be forgivers as well.

If you want forgiveness to be a regular part of your home, I hope you’ll learn more on the topic by reading Nancy’s new book, Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom. Find out what the Bible has to say about forgiveness and learn to put it into practice.

We’ll send you a copy when you make a donation of $18 or more at ReviveOurHearts.com. That’s also where you can get information about a special event in the month of October—it’s Pastor’s Appreciation Month.

Your pastor’s wife probably works hard behind the scenes week after week, and we want to help you give her the type of gift she deserves. Just look up the Pastor’s Wife Gift Set when you visit ReviveOurHearts.com.

Maybe you’ve heard or sung the song “El-Shaddai.” But do you really know what that Hebrew word means? Find out tomorrow, on Revive Our Hearts.

 Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is an outreach of Life Action Ministries.

All Scripture is taken from the English Standard Version unless otherwise noted.

Note: Special offers available only during the broadcast of the radio series.