The Enemy: Envy

Series: How's Your Love Life?

Leslie Basham: How many marriages are torn apart by jealousy?

Him: I wake up at the crack of dawn every morning, but she gets to sleep until the kids wake up!

Her: He gets to go out to lunch almost every day but I've got a schedule to follow. I never seem to get a break.

Him: I pitch in with dinner and laundry, but I'm still expected to take out the trash and mow the lawn.

Her: On the weekends, he can go out and work in the yard whenever he wants to but I still have to stay inside and watch the kids.

Leslie Basham: Today is September 21; and you're listening to Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Here's Nancy, continuing in a series called "How's Your Love Life?"

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: We're taking a little love test. The Scripture encourages us to put our lives under the magnifying glass of God's Word and see if there are any little tiny flaws or defects in the diamond of our love for the Lord and for others.

We're looking at that great hymn of love, 1 Corinthians 13. I want to encourage you again to be reading this passage every day for at least 30 days, and then to be memorizing that middle paragraph, verses 4-7.

Let me read that paragraph again. I think it's so important to hear these characteristics over and over again.

I can tell you what has been happening to me as I've been letting this passage search my heart.

God is opening up areas of my own life that are unloving, that I didn't even realize were there, areas of need where I have had to agree with God and say, "That's right. That's who I am and I need You to change me. I need You to fill me with Your love.

1 Corinthians 13 tells us that if we don't have that kind of love--no matter what else we may do, no matter how much we may know or how active we may be in serving the Lord--that our service and our knowledge is worth nothing if we don't have this kind of love.

What are the characteristics of that love? "Love suffers long and is kind." We've looked at those two characteristics. We've seen that love is patient; it doesn't retaliate, it doesn't take vengeance. It doesn't get even.

The passage goes on to say, "Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself, is not puffed up. It does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails" (vv. 4-8). Human love will fail, to be sure. But God's love goes on and on and on. It is permanent. It is enduring.

We're looking today at that third characteristic of love in this love test: "Love does not envy." Love is not jealous. Love is not envious for the possessions of others. In fact, it can rejoice with those who have greater resources, greater position or greater abilities.

I think one of the most difficult commands in the Word of God for us to obey--and one of the ones we frequently neglect--is the command to rejoice with those who rejoice. Some of you women have real tender hearts, and it doesn't take much to make you weep. When a person has a burden or a need, you're right there with mercy and kindness and weeping with those who weep. But do we rejoice with those who rejoice?

Your neighbor gets a nice new car, and you're driving the clunker that barely runs. Do you get excited about the fact that that neighbor got a nice new car? Or is it a more natural tendency to want to criticize and put others down because we're jealous, we're comparing? Love and jealousy are mutually exclusive. If we have love, we will not be jealous. We will not be jealous for what others have.

Jealousy comes in a couple different forms. Sometimes it's the attitude that I want what someone else has. They have something I don't have; I wish I could have it. I'm jealous for it. Then sometimes it's not that we want what they have; it's just that we wish that they didn't have it. So, I want what you have, or I wish that you didn't have what you have. Love is not possessive. God has given all of us material blessings, other kinds of blessings--time, resources of different types.

True love doesn't hold on to--jealously cling to--my possessions but is willing to share, to give, to share with others. True love is, rather than being jealous, it's content with having my basic needs met--having basic necessities in life and having, of course, the most important thing we can have, and that is a right relationship with God.

If I have a right relationship with God, if Jesus Christ is my Savior and lives in my life and I have eternal life and I have a clear conscience toward God--what else do I need? We're so short-sighted, and we crave and covet and long for the things that others have that are temporal. But true love is delighted for others to be blessed with things that perhaps we don't have.

Now Paul wrote this love chapter to address the many problems and needs and issues of the Corinthian church. The Corinthians had a lot of different spiritual gifts. God had given those spiritual gifts. In fact, the Scripture says that God gives a spiritual gift to every believer in Christ--that in Christ, you have a spiritual gift.

The problem was the Corinthians were taking their spiritual gifts and they were holding them up to impress each other. Then they were saying certain gifts were more important than others. The ones they chose to be more important were the more flashy--the more spectacular gifts, the ones that drew more attention to themselves. Some would say, "I have this gift, don't you?" Then others were jealous because someone else had a gift that they didn't have that they thought they wanted.

Paul said, "What's the key to dealing with this issue of jealousy, comparison, contention that flows out of this jealousy?" The key is to live a life of love, to put on love, to pursue love, to learn to love in God's way. Love is not envious; it is not jealous.

When love sees another person who is more popular, more successful, more beautiful, more talented, than I am, then if I have a heart of love, I will be glad for that person, never jealous or envious.

James 3 talks about the deadliness of the sin of envy or jealousy. Paul said if any person is wise in understanding, "let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that come from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts"¦"

By the way those two invariably go together--envy and selfish ambition--seeking more for myself. Paul said, "If you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come from heaven [this is not of God] but it is earthly, unspiritual and of the devil." One translation says it's devilish. It's demonic to have this kind of selfish ambition and envy. Envy is not just a little problem. Envy is something that comes from the pit of hell.

So James says in 3:16, "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." And isn't that a description of what was taking place in the church at Corinth? There was disorder. There was contention. There was pandemonium at their Communion services. You have disorder and every evil practice.

In that church there was a man who had an incestuous relationship with his father's wife. Talk about evil practices! And the church was condoning it. Where did this come from? Paul says it all goes back to a lack of love. "You envy. You're jealous of one another."

James goes on to say in that passage, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere" (James 3:17).

In her book, The Music of His Promises, Elisabeth Elliot has a wonderful passage about this part of the love test. Here's what she has to say: "If I imagine that I love my neighbor let me test my love by asking how glad I am that he has achieved what I have failed to achieve; that he has managed to acquire what I have long wished to acquire; that he is loved by someone or by many or in some way that has never been granted to me."

By the way, let me put in a little word in there. Those of you who may be single, do you find yourself jealous of your friends who are getting married? They've got a mate; they've got a husband. Perhaps you're a woman who's married but you've not been able to have children. Do you find yourself jealous of the one who's been able to have children because it's a blessing that's not been given to you?

She goes on to say, "Do I rejoice because he (my neighbor) has reasons to rejoice that have been denied me? Can I honestly praise God for His goodness to my neighbor? Can I praise Him wholeheartedly for His gifts to me? If I love my neighbor as myself, there will be no reason at all for the least twinge of jealousy--because I will be just as happy that he has what I wanted as I would be if I had it."

So, we ask this question as we take this little test: Do I rejoice with those who rejoice? Do you rejoice when others receive blessings and benefits that you have not received?

Are you genuinely glad when someone else at work gets promoted or gets a raise or is recognized, praised for their efforts while you are overlooked?

When we're jealous we will often say critical things to put others down so we can lift up ourselves.

How about when your friend's child excels at sports, at music, at academics, at everything, and that mother loves to make sure that you hear about it. Can you rejoice in the blessings of how well that child is doing?

Or one of your siblings--brother, sister--their family is financially prosperous while your family is struggling to make ends meet. Do you find yourself being jealous, or do you find yourself rejoicing with those who rejoice?

Leslie Basham: Jealousy tempts all of us. Nancy Leigh DeMoss has been showing us how jealousy interferes with true godly love. She'll be right back to pray with us.

Today Nancy repeated the challenge that she's been giving throughout this series. She's asking us to read 1 Corinthians 13 every day for 30 days, and she's asking us to memorize verses 4-7. If you've been participating in the challenge, we'd like to know how it's going. You can give us some feedback on our Web site, ReviveOurHearts.com. We have a special page where you can post the things you've learned during your 30 day challenge. You can also send a letter to Revive Our Hearts.

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When you give a gift of any size, we'll send you a booklet called How's Your Love Life? as our thank-you. It'll give you a checklist to help you discover areas in which you can grow in biblical love. We'll also include a free 1 Corinthians 13 bookmark.

Be sure to ask for a copy when you write. Or ask for one when you call us at 1-800-569-5959.

Tomorrow we'll hear a touching story about a woman who didn't receive love growing up. We'll see how it affected her as an adult and how God acted on her behalf. I hope you can be here for Revive Our Hearts.

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a ministry partnership of Life Action Ministries.

"Many of the insights Nancy shares in this series have been drawn from The MacArthur New Testament Commentary: 1 Corinthians (Moody), and from the Insight for Living Bible study guide Koinonia: Authentic Fellowship (copyright 1972, 1985 Charles R. Swindoll)."

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