Lies Women Believe About God, Part 3

Series: Lies Women Believe About God

Leslie Basham: How would you describe your father? Was he patient, kind and loving? Or would you say he was more of a tyrant--demanding, harsh and critical?

This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss for Wednesday, October 31.

A woman's view of God is greatly influenced by the relationship she has with her father. If her father is good, she finds it easy to believe her Heavenly Father is good. But if her earthly father has been absent or abusive, she may find it difficult to trust God. Let's join Nancy Leigh DeMoss as she teaches a small group of women how we can accept God's love regardless of the way our fathers treated us.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: We're looking this week at lies that women believe about God. And we said that when we believe lies, we will end up in bondage. It's the truth that sets us free. What we believe about God is so important because it determines what we believe about everything else.

I received a letter from a woman who said, "The lies that God doesn't love me and God is just like my father have put me in bondage. Believing those lies has put me in a position of not being able to experience and sense God's love for me. God seems to be impatient, unpredictable and hard, if not impossible, to please. It has made it extremely difficult for me to have any kind of close, intimate relationship with him."

I want today to touch on one of those lies referenced in that letter, the lie that God is just like my father. Now, as women, our view of God is often shaped and strongly influenced by the men that we have known in our lives, and more so by a father or a husband or brothers--men that are closely related to us.

I am very thankful to have had a loving, involved, committed father. And I will acknowledge that that has made it so much easier for me to trust my Heavenly Father and receive His blessing. But I'm also aware that for many women today their experience is just the opposite. And I know that if we could go around the room and talk about what we think when we say the word "father," there would probably be more women who would have painful thoughts than would have easy or blessed thoughts when they think about a father's relationship. And so when I speak of God being our Heavenly Father, for many women today, that just makes them cringe. It's a painful thought.

Your father may have been distant, absent; he may not have been there at all. He may have abandoned your family when you were young. Or he may have been very much in the home, but overbearing, harsh or abusive. Or maybe he wasn't either of those two extremes, but he just didn't know how to express love.

Perhaps you will relate to one or more of these women who has written me about this matter.

One woman said, "I had a stepfather who was cruel to me, and it's very hard to accept that God is not like him at all."

Another woman said, "My dad is a Christian and a good guy, but I've never heard much encouragement from him. For instance, when I would help him paint, I would say, "Does this look okay?" hoping to hear "Hey, that looks really nice." But he would only say, "Try not to"--whatever. Maybe that's why I imagined God finding fault instead of loving me unconditionally and accepting me."

Another woman said, "My father abandoned me when I was four years old. I have trouble relating to God as father. One of the lies I have believed and still struggle with," she said, "is God is not really there."

Now, if you've been wounded by a father or a husband or another man that you trusted, you may find it extremely difficult to trust God. In fact, you may even find yourself being afraid of God or even angry with God.

I want to remind us that our Father in heaven is not like any other man or woman that you have ever known. In fact, the kindest, wisest, most compassionate, tender, earthly father is just a pale reflection of our Heavenly Father. At his best, every man is a flawed representation of God. That's why we can't get our view of God from other people, men or women.

If you want to know what God is really like, you need to turn to the place where He has revealed Himself, and that's in His Word. If you want to know what God's really like, you need to get to know Jesus because the Scripture says that Jesus is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of His being. So whatever Jesus is like, that's what God is like.

Jesus came to reveal the father heart of God to us and to make it possible for us to become adopted into the family of God. There are women in this room--and I can't tell by looking at you who you are--but there are some of you who are so afraid of God, so afraid of your Father God, afraid that He's going to abandon you, to disappoint you, to put you down or harm you as perhaps your earthly father did. Could I say that is not the Spirit of God speaking within you?

The Spirit of God within us says, "Abba, Father!" Abba is an Aramaic word that is a term of intimacy and endearment. It's a word of tenderness and close affection, dependency. That's the Spirit of God within you. God's spirit within you has given you a spirit of intense longing and reaching out, longing to know God as your father. The God of the Bible is a compassionate, tender, merciful Father.

First John 3:1 tells us "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" God knows your name, He keeps track of the most minute details of your life. He has lavished His love upon you. He knows the number of cells in your body, and the number of hairs on your head (and for some of us that changes really frequently).

He collects, the Scripture says, your tears in a bottle. He's intimately acquainted with you. His heart is stirred with compassion for you. He rejoices over you with singing, he longs for an intimate relationship with you. That's the God of this Book.

Now, that doesn't mean that He gives us everything we want. No wise father would do that for his children, and it doesn't mean we can always understand His decisions. God is far too great for us to be able to plumb the depths of all of His decisions. And it doesn't mean that He never allows us to suffer pain. In fact, Hebrews 12 tells us that at times, God actually inflicts pain upon us. Why? He loves us. You say that's a funny way of showing love. Well, Hebrews 12:10 says, "God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness." He's sanctifying us, He's transforming us, He's working on those rough edges and making us into the likeness of Jesus.

So regardless of what we feel or what we think, the truth is that God is a good father. He dearly loves His children and can be trusted with our lives. When you come to know the love of your Heavenly Father, it will transform not only your view of God, but also your ability to love and respond to others.

Let me read you a couple of testimonies that illustrate that.

One woman said,

There were only two men in my life: my father and my husband. I tried every way imaginable to get them to love me. Both of them deserted me when I needed them most. I learned that only God can love me in the way I need to be loved. My father never talked to me when I was a teenager. I could count on one hand the number of times, and they were all put-downs. I married my high school boyfriend; and he divorced me after 27 years of marriage. But once I came to understand the enormity of God's love that surpasses all understanding, I found that I did not need to earn love. And I was able to forgive and to love my father and my ex-husband.

Another woman said,

My father called me terrible names, one I won't even repeat here, when I had not even kissed a boy"--things that accused her of being an immoral woman. She said, "He treated my mother horribly, even until her death when I was 23 years old. I blamed him for a lot of the things I did. Once I truly realized that Jesus loved me, I was able to let go of my anger toward my dad. I was able to see him in a different light and realize that the hurtful things he said about me were not true. And that it matters most what my Heavenly Father sees in me. And by the way, once I was able to forgive my dad, two hours later,my six-year-old daughter and I talked and I was able to lead her to Jesus.

See how the truth sets you free? To know God as your father is to find acceptance, security and peace. I love that verse in Psalm 27 where the scripture says, "Though my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me."(Psalm 27:10). He's infinitely different than any human father or man that we will know.

Leslie Basham: You know, perhaps today's program has brought to mind some painful memories you've experienced with your earthly father. As we've heard today, you can trust God to love you no matter what. As you grow closer to Him and experience His strength and healing, you may also need to reconcile things with your earthly dad.

To help you get started, we suggest Dennis Rainey's book, The Tribute and The Promise. Dennis will give you ideas for honoring a dad that perhaps isn't entirely deserving of honor. You can get more information on The Tribute and The Promise by calling us at 1-800-569-5959.

When you call, ask how you can get a tape of today's program. It's part of a week-long series called "Lies Women Believe About God." The whole series is available on one cassette for a suggested donation of $5, and you can also visit our Web site and get more information about Nancy's books and tapes. The address is ReviveOurHearts.com.

You know, maybe you had a father who didn't show godly love, but you've learned to trust God anyway. We'd like to hear your story.

Well, tomorrow Nancy will expose another lie women believe about God. The lie is God is not really enough. Join us tomorrow. Now here's Nancy with a final thought.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: As I was preparing for this session, I just kept having in my mind's eye a picture of a father standing with outstretched arms. And a child, a little child, is standing up on a table (or a sofa, some higher place); and the dad is saying, "Jump into daddy's arms." I picture that child feeling so insecure, so fearful. What happens if I jump and he's not there? We have those feelings.

What happens if we jump into the arms of God and find out He's not there? That dad knows that that little boy hasn't experienced yet that those arms are secure, they're strong. And I just pictured us as that little child with our Heavenly Father saying, "Jump! Jump into my arms! And underneath you will find are always the everlasting arms of our Heavenly Father." 

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss is a ministry partnership of Life Action Ministries.

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