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Daily ProgramSmall Decisions34 Series: Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: An Interview with Ron and Nancy Anderson Monday, February 15 2010  Leslie Basham: When Nancy Anderson looks back at the early years of her marriage, she realizes that some of the expectations she placed on her husband weren't realistic. Nancy Anderson: I was very needy, and I was looking for him to meet all of my needs. I was not looking to the Lord to meet any of my needs. Because I was so needy, he felt smothered by me and would back away. Then I would become critical and controlling and would complain. Leslie: This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Here’s Nancy to introduce today’s guests. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: In the last several weeks, we've had three Revive Our Hearts conferences and several thousand women attended those conferences. On the opening Friday night, we ask the women to fill out a little card telling us how we can pray for them. We actually have intercessors that are at the conference to pray for those women and for their needs! After the conference I read through a lot of those cards. I've just been through a number of them, and I'm just astounded at how many of those prayer requests (as women pour out their hearts) have to do with marriage-related issues—women who are struggling in their marriage. I remember in this last conference two women said, "I have come to despise my husband." It's just so tragic and heart breaking. It is a privilege to pray for those women. At Revive Our Hearts, we want to do everything we can to shore up difficult marriages, troubled marriages; to provide a lifeline—a life preserver for marriages that may be in trouble. This week on the broadcast we want to talk with a couple who have been there. They've done that. They know what it's like to have a marriage that's on the brink—and actually—over the brink of disaster. But they also know what it is to see God's restoring, redeeming power in their marriage. So whether your marriage is in serious trouble; whether you're just starting out your marriage and needing some protection to keep it from getting into serious trouble; or maybe you've been married many years and you have married sons and daughters or grandchildren. Maybe you're single, and you're thinking about getting married someday. Wherever you are in that whole spectrum, you will want to be sure and tune in with us this week and hear an incredible story of God's grace and His miracle-working power in a marriage. Ron and Nancy Anderson are new friends of mine. Ron and Nancy, welcome to Revive Our Hearts. Thank you so much for being willing to come and share your story with us. Nancy Anderson: Thank you. It's our privilege. Ron Anderson: Thank you, Nancy, for having us. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Nancy, you've written a book called Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome. Isn't it true that there's something in the human heart that always thinks, whether it's in marriage or other areas, "If only I could get into another situation, my life would be simpler and easier"? You say in that book, "There's not greener grass on the other side. If you water your own grass, that's how you can be blessed!” I just want to take us back to the early days of your marriage. Nancy, you had been to Bible college. You came from a Christian family. People would not have assumed, probably, when you were in high school or college that you were going to end up in a really desperate and awful marriage. But that's what happened, isn't it? Nancy Anderson: It is what happened. I knew better, but selfishness is such an insidious thing. It comes in slowly. We began our marriage with a premise that was not true, and that was: It was my husband's job to make me happy. But he thought the same thing! So we sat around waiting. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: He thought that it was your job to make him happy. Nancy Anderson: Exactly. So we sat around waiting to be made happy—demanding to be made happy. As you might imagine, that doesn't work very well. The teamwork aspect of marriage was not there. It was a combination of our selfishness, plus a relationship with God that was very shallow. We got in this cycle of, "I'm a bad husband because you're a bad wife, but I am a bad wife because you are a bad husband . . . etc." Neither one of us was willing to take personal responsibility for our own part in our marriage, and we just kept blaming the other. So we got stuck there. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: That cycle then continued into the early months, and then the first couple years of your marriage. What did it look like? What was life like in the Anderson household? Ron: The first person who got home got to prepare the argument for the next person who walked through the front door. Then it started. When we got together, we were fighting about something. It could have been finances. It could have been, "You didn't do this for me," or "I didn't do that for you"—all of those things. I think part of it was, as Nancy stated, the selfishness issue. We both wanted what we wanted, when we wanted it. When we weren't getting what we wanted when we wanted it, that created . . . Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Some tantrums? Ron: Yes. Nancy Anderson: We both liked to make the other person pay. Ron: Right, and we did! We made the other person pay. Nancy Anderson: There was an issue with friends. He was spending time with friends outside of our marriage. He'd been single a while and had been in the service. He had his own life. So he continued some of the “single” things that he had been doing: going out with his friends and things like that. I resented his time away from me. But looking back, I can see I wasn't much fun to be with. Ron: Remember? My favorite phrase was, “Hey look, I didn't marry you to be your entertainment center.” That is what I felt like. I felt like I had to constantly be entertaining. Over and over I would say, “Look, I'm not your entertainment center. Find something you're interested in. Go do something. I don’t always have to be there to fulfill your entertainment needs.” Nancy Anderson: I was very needy, and I was looking for him to meet all of my needs. I was not looking to the Lord to meet any of my needs or even girlfriends. I didn’t have many girlfriends. So I was very so needy, and he felt smothered and would back away. Then I would become critical and controlling and would complain. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Wait, wait, wait. Critical? Controlling? Complaining? Now that's a recipe for disaster! Nancy Anderson: The three deadly “C's.” Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Ron, how did that affect you? Ron: First of all, I would try to talk her out of her behavior, which was one of my great gambits. Whenever she was feeling emotional, I would try to talk her out of those feelings—and that would frustrate her. So she would stop coming to me with emotional needs. I remember once she came to me and she said, “I don't feel like I have any close girlfriends.” So I pull out a piece of paper and a pen, and I start writing. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: You're going to fix it. Ron: I'm going to fix it. “Nancy's friendship goals—okay, here's what you have to do first. You have to go through the phone book and see what friends you have. Then you have to make luncheon appointments.” Nancy Leigh DeMoss: If you're going to have friends, you have to be friendly. Ron: All of that. Nancy Anderson: He gave me a lecture. Ron: Of course, all that did was push her away and aggravate her more. What I probably should have done was put my arms around her and say, “Honey, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I love you.” But I didn't. Instead, I tried solving her problems. Nancy Anderson: Yes, I just wanted to be heard and to have him understand where I was coming from. Instead, he kept trying to fix things. Actually, I felt like he was blaming me for not having friends. Ron: I was. There was an underlying current of, “Well, whatever these problems are that you're dealing with, the root of the problem is really you. I'm going to help you figure that out and solve it. But it really goes back to you not doing something you really should be doing.” That's not any way to win your wife over to your side of the fence! Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Yet your attitudes and behavior, Nancy, were not really, “Any way to win your husband over to your side of the fence!” Nancy Anderson: No, and that's the problem. I kept trying to nag him into behaving in a loving fashion. You can't nag someone into any behavior, except leaving you emotionally. That's what he did. He pulled away. The more he pulled away, the more I criticized him for pulling away. So we were in a really bad place. Ron: One of our problems which frustrated me . . . I'm no angel, believe me. But when I made mistakes in the relationship, I think I was much quicker—and I think Nancy would agree—to say, “I'm wrong, and I’m sorry.” If I was a dentist, I could not have pulled the words, “I'm wrong” out of her mouth! Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Is that true Nancy? Nancy Anderson: That's absolutely true. Ron: Just once. I would have paid her, just once, to say, “I'm wrong on this.” It wasn't going to happen. You could see in black and white that she was wrong. But the more I tried to say, “Honey, you've got to be able to see that this is not right, that you're wrong,” the more she fought me on it. That would just frustrate me to no end. I would get angry. Before you knew it, it would escalate, and I would be cussing at her and saying inappropriate things. That just defeated my whole point. Nancy Anderson: Right. It was a cycle, like I said, that we got in. It was a pride issue for me. I wanted to be right! Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Did you think you were right? Nancy Anderson: No. Most of the time I knew if I could separate myself from myself, I knew that I was wrong—but I was not going to admit it. Ron: Oh, and that killed me. I would get so angry. I remember once throwing a frozen pork chop at her! I would get so mad. Nancy Anderson: It was just stubbornness on my part and my unwillingness to admit that I was wrong. I would rather be right than be loved. Being right almost cost me my marriage. Ron: Sorry was another word that was difficult for her to say. I don't understand the dynamics of all of that, but it was very hard for her to say, “I'm sorry.” Spiritually speaking, we were dead in the water. I was a fairly new Christian when we got married—about nine months. After we got married, we would find reasons not to go to church. “Well, let's sleep in.” Or, “We're going to go to a movie instead.” We allowed these other distractions in life to take us away from our foundation—which is really, we think, the big mistake when we look back on the problems we had—we weren't grounded in the Word. We weren't going to church. We weren't spending time with Christian friends. When we were having problems, we didn't go to our pastor and talk to him about it. We were winging it. The further we drifted away from the Lord, the more our selfishness grew. Our anger and our frustration grew toward each other grew, and we would take it out on each other. We would have fights until 4:00 in the morning on issues like whether I was yelling or not. We would be fighting over if I was yelling or not until 4:00 in the morning! I'm not exaggerating! It would just escalate. It was awful. I remember once we went to Hawaii and we fought in public screaming at each other because my wife lost the camera. All I asked her to do was go back into the ladies room and see if it’s in there, that maybe she’d left it in there. There was no way in the world that she was going to go back in that restroom to look for that camera. Her statement was, “I didn’t leave it in there.” And she wouldn’t even go in there just to appease me. So we stood there in public and screamed at each other for twenty minutes over that stupid camera. Nancy Anderson: And I would not go in because I knew it wasn’t in there. Now looking back, if that happened today, even if I knew it wasn’t in there, I would have gone in, made a cursory look around, and come back out and said it wasn’t in there. But I was not mature enough to do that. I just stood my ground. He went one way, and I went another. For the rest of the day at this beautiful resort on Maui, we did not speak to each other. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Nancy, you’ve written a book which I’m hoping all of our listeners will order a copy of no matter where they are in the marriage process, because it’s got some great rich insights for any marriage. You’ve titled it, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome. And you know of where you speak. Help us understand how you got from the point of saying, “I do” at the altar to ending up being in love with a man who wasn’t your husband. How did it start? Nancy Anderson: It was a process, and it was one tiny step at a time. Sin is so slippery. I didn't intend to have an affair. I just intended to sit next to this cute guy at lunch. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: A guy that you worked with? Nancy Anderson: Correct. We were co-workers on a sales team. The company, of course, wants to build camaraderie and teamwork within the sales force. So we were encouraged to spend time together. I can actually pinpoint when it crossed the line. One day when we were sitting next to each other at a meeting, his leg bumped up against mine, and he did not pull his leg away and I did not pull my leg away. That, I believe, was the turning point because I sent him a signal that I was unguarded; that I was open to the possibility. From then on, it was gradual but progressive. We made sure that we sat next to each other at lunches. Then when we went out as a group, we made sure we rode in the same car together. Then it progressed from there to where we would have dinners together after work, and then eventually more than dinner. So it was a process, but I knew what I was doing every step of the way. I thought, “It's just lunch. It's just this. It's just that.” Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Okay. Now you're in the workplace, Nancy, and there's a guy who's treating you differently. Nancy Anderson: That's right. Because my husband was not complimenting me and was not even kind to me . . . Of course, I was not complimenting him, and I was not kind to him. We were in this cycle—this destructive cycle. Then along came Jake who thought I was wonderful, pretty, smart, funny, and everything I did was fabulous! Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Did you treat him a little nicer than you were treating your husband? Nancy Anderson: I absolutely did! I complimented him. I thought he was wonderful, smart, funny, and I told him so. Of course, when I got married I thought my husband was wonderful, smart, funny, and fabulous. But I had stopped telling him. Ron: And I am. I am smart and funny and fabulous. (laughing) Nancy Anderson: And he is. But I didn't see it at the time. And so I went—like the title of the book—looking for greener grass, thinking that it would be green, while also failing to water my own lawn. I was taking the energy that I should have been putting into my husband and our marriage and putting it outside our marriage and cultivating an illicit relationship. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: As you put that energy into someone outside your marriage . . . Nancy Anderson: It grew. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: What grew? Nancy Anderson: The relationship grew, and the distance grew between my husband and myself. The selfishness grew and the lies. I cannot tell you how many lies I had to tell to myself, to God—who, of course knew I was lying—but I continued to lie to Him as well. I lied to my husband constantly. I lied to my parents, to my mother. I lied to friends. You have to lie to continue in adultery, and I got so tangled up in the lies that I didn't even know what was true anymore. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: There is an emotional attachment developing here. There is a physical attachment developing outside your marriage. Things could only be getting worse on the home front. Nancy Anderson: They were. It came to a point where, I asked my husband for . . . not a legal separation, but I said, “I need some time. I need a little space. I'd like to move out for one month.” Ron: Actually, it started out that she needed a couple of days. She wanted that weekend to herself. We had been fighting so much and I (being naïve) figured, “Okay, give her a little space.” Those two days turned into a call saying, “You know, I'm not going to be back. I really need a week.” Then, all of a sudden—it's a month! Now she's telling me, “I want a divorce.” Nancy Leigh DeMoss: How did you respond to that, Ron? Ron: By begging, pleading, crying on my knees for her not to leave me. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Do you remember that, Nancy? Nancy Anderson: I do. I do! I could tell you exactly where I was. We were in our little condo in California, and he was sitting on the couch. I had had the discussion with him that I was leaving. I went into the bedroom to pack some more of my things, and I came back out and he was crying and begging me not to go. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Did that touch you? Nancy Anderson: You know, it didn't. I felt bad because I didn't feel bad. I thought that if he would just go away, my problems would have been solved. I mean, that's how bad it had become. I just wished that he would go away. I didn't wish bad on him. I just wanted him out of my way because he was standing between me and happiness. That's how I perceived it. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: You thought happiness now had a different face and a different name? Nancy Anderson: I thought happiness was on the other side of the fence. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: With Jake? Nancy Anderson: Yes, and that's where I wanted to go. Ron was my obstacle, and that's what I saw him as—not a teammate, not a husband. He was an obstacle to my getting what I wanted. So I left and I shut the door. I got in the car and I turned on happy love songs and rolled down the windows and drove over to meet Jake. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: It wasn't only your family that was being affected. Jake had a family, too. Nancy Anderson: He did. He was married, and he had two small children. It was a ripple effect. I don't even know the ramifications of all the people's lives that were touched and possibly ruined by my selfishness! I didn't see that at the time. I just had this myopic view of my life being the most important thing, and my needs being met was my only goal. Whoever got hurt, “Oh, well.” Ron: Part of the hard part for me was . . . Here's a person I fell in love with. Before we got married, she was this adorable little . . . she was just wonderful! I knew the day I met her that I was going to marry her. I just instantly fell in love with her. But now I'm talking to her, and I'm talking to somebody I don't know. There is no emotional connection coming from her toward me. I always describe it as, “I was talking to a wall,” because no amount of begging, no amount of pleading, no amount of asking for a second chance meant anything to her. She could care less. When I talked to her, I should have just been talking to a wall because there was a wall between her and me. It was a very strange feeling to think that you could be so in love with someone, and that person, at one point, was so in love with you. But now you're talking to this person like you've never met them before. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: This had all happened within two years of getting married? Ron: Yes. Within two years. The resentment had built and the destruction had taken place to where now I was pleading with a total stranger to try to make our marriage work. Even though the marriage was miserable and lousy those first two years, it never dawned on me—maybe I didn’t understand life—that it could lead to a divorce or somebody wanting a divorce. Maybe I just thought this was the way marriage was. Obviously I was wrong. Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Ron and Nancy, we're going to pick up your story in our next time together. I have two things that I want to just comment on here as we wrap this up for today. First, it's obvious, as I hear your story, that when a marriage comes to the place where divorce is being threatened and the man or the woman is involved in an extramarital—I hate to call it an “affair” because that sounds so happy, and this obviously wasn't a happy thing—but, adultery that really threatens your marriage, that doesn't happen overnight. It was a series of choices. It was a series, as you said, Nancy, of little decisions—the decision not to pull your leg back; the decision to give a green light instead of a red light; to communicate that you were available; a series of choices, in both of your lives, that got you into a place that seemed to be utterly hopeless. That leads me to this second point, which we'll see beautifully illustrated as we continue your story. Even in the most hopeless situation, God is not absent. You weren’t acknowledging Him at that point of your lives, but God is the hound of heaven. Praise God! He was pursuing you when you were not pursuing Him. There was hope; there was help on the way; there was grace. I think it's important that we emphasize that. Someone listening today is at that point of walking out the door; or carrying on the adulterous relationship; or on their knees begging, crying, pleading with their mate to come home—some place where you just feel, “This is hopeless. This is it; it's over!” We get letters and emails and prayer cards from those women galore. But one of the reasons we wanted to share Ron and Nancy's story with you is so that you would know that as long as there is God, there is hope! God is a redeeming, restoring God. There is no mess so messy, no pit so deep, that God cannot restore and redeem. You will not want to miss the continuation of Nancy's story. It's not over. There's pain yet to come, but God is going to intervene on their behalf. We'll talk about how that happened when we continue on the next Revive Our Hearts. Leslie Basham: Nancy Leigh DeMoss has been talking with Ron and Nancy Anderson about small decisions that can have huge consequences. That story leads me to ask, “Do you have any hedges in your life?” By hedges I mean, principles that guide your small decisions. For instance, a lot of wise, single women create a hedge by deciding never to ride alone in a car with a married man. It’s a small decision that shows they’re going to fight hard to protect their purity and the marriages around them. To help you set up some personal hedges and guard your marriage, we want you to have a practical booklet by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called Personal "Hedges." This will help you think through your decisions and protect your purity. We’ll also include the book by our guest. Nancy Anderson tells her story and offers solid advice in the book, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome. How do you get a copy of this helpful book and booklet. Just donate to Revive Our Hearts. We’ll send these resources to you. Donate at ReviveOurHearts.com, or call 1-800-569-5959. When Nancy Anderson was in the middle of an adulterous relationship, she got in an arresting phone call from two very important people. Hear more about it tomorrow on Revive Our Hearts. Revive Our Hearts is an outreach of Life Action Ministries.
Note: Special offers available only during the broadcast of the radio series. 
Read and post comments about: Small Decisions*The following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate.
 Lou (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 7:28 AM)
"Hi, I can so relate to this as my marriage was in a similar situation where my husband had an affair. This was 2 years ago. We are still together but I am afraid that today I sit with my husband feeling that he does not even like me, he says his feeling for me are dead. I don't meet his standards anymore and cannot seem to do anything right. So here I am at a cross road, with him telling me he will decide what to do. I know that I only have God and that God is my hope. There is nothing more. Perhaps you can give me a word or two." Janice (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 7:36 AM)
"I agree that it is all about choices and responsibility. And putting some effort into it. And carefully avoiding situations where you know you are going to be tempted. (As above, not going into the same car as someone whom you know really "likes" you). For me, God always tells us to tell the truth but also to love ourselves as our neighbour. I agree with the passage above that it is not only the man you go out with, but the young children involved and his wife too. Stealing is wrong, and there will always always be a payback." Judy (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 7:52 AM)
"I just thank God for coming into our lives when He did. I had my bags packed in my mind for quite some time. I had opened a separate savings account and was putting money away for the day when I was leaving. I just thank God for stopping the generational curse in our family with divorce. Sheila (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 8:01 AM)
"After having "been there, done that", I can attest that God can, and wants to, repair your relationship. The key: it all starts with YOU by asking the Lord to change you from the inside out through His Word. If you determine to practice I Corinthians 13 love (and other scriptures on love & marriage), He can work His genuine restoration through you!" Mj (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 9:39 AM)
"God does restore marriages! My husband and I went through that cycle for several years, and it was destructive and awful. My relationship with the Lord was not my focus. I expected my husband to meet all my emotional needs and be my everything. Of course, he couldn't. He pulled away under the pressure, and I became critical, controlling, nagging. We fought, and said hurtful terrible things to one another. Finally, we hit rock bottom. Neither one of us could take it anymore. We began praying, both separately and together, and now our marriage has been healed. But it is a new marriage, because God is now at the center in a way that he never was before. I now believe God allowed this to happen to us to shift our focus from each other to Him. We never would have turned to Him otherwise. God is good!!!" Ana (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 10:49 AM)
"I don't want to be married to my wife anymore. She is cold, hateful and cruel. We've been married for over 20 years and I am not going to let myself grow old and miss a chance at happiness. Anthony (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 12:27 PM)
"It is so hard for people to grasp and remember that men and women are totally, entirely and tremendously DIFFERENT. We process things differently. We desire things differently. And when the wear and tear from the "marital wars" build up over the years from not getting what we hope out of our clueless or insensitive spouse--especially without the awesome preserving power of the Lord--it's no wonder so marriages end with a bitter divorce. I would just like to encourage all my sisters (and brothers) out there that God made marriage, and it is good, and it was not His intention that it be temporary. But it's not easy, and He knows what it feels like to be rejected and hated. And He specializes in redeeming! There is no book out there more insightful at how to manage your marriage than the Bible. Insight from the Lord Himself. It will tell you to do difficult things. To flee from sin. To love your enemies. Wives, submit and respect your husbands (man I struggled with this one). But on the same coin: Husbands LOVE your wives like Christ loved the church. If only we could all grasp just that. Our carnal minds think "yeah right", and the potential for change is gone. God cannot be the god of someone whose God is themselves. I pray that you all allow Him to work mightily in your hearts, in your marriages, and that you take after Christ's example. He loves with a love so pure, and His love stretched not just to his disciples but to the infidels of society. Loves covers sin. This is a messy unorganized conglomeration of something in a nut shell like: I pray that we can all learn to love and serve our spouses like He loves us, and draw strength from our relationship with Him to preserve this wonderful gift He gave us called marriage." Agr (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 1:46 PM)
"Well Anthony, you sound like my wife. I am not a abuser of any type, but my wife wants nothing to do with me. We have been married for almost 23 yrs, and I told my wife this past weekend that she has no biblical grounds for wanting to divorce me, and a piece of paper means nothing in the eyes of God, she will still be my wife until death do us part. William (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 1:58 PM)
"I was very moved by the program today and am sure it was a blessing from God. I have been married for 18 years and was told recently by my wife that she is no longer in love with me. For the past few years she says she has been going through the motions of marriage for the sake of our children. It is important to note that my performance as a husband is directly responsible for my wife's feelings. I don't accept all of the responsibility but my actions and inaction played a part in losing my wife's love. Gerard (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 2:03 PM)
"Is she a professing believer? If she is not you are biblically free to go (as far as I understand it, I think I read that 3 months ago so the scripture is not fresh in my mind). If she IS a believer a seperation with the determination that if she is willing to finally repent you will be willing make ammends and work toward repair, that is what we are called to do, Do not forget that the children involved will also be party to this choice you are making. Make sure you approach this scripturally (although I'm unsure of where or even if seperation is allowed as a form of dicipline) please. You are the husband, the leader of your family and should you do anything in regards to this covanant you made before God, I'd advise you do it scripturally. God has not said our life would be pansies, cake and rainbows, quite the opposite. As Christians we are not to be seekers of 'self' fulfillment but fulfillment of what God has requested us to do. I fully realize the world tells you what it tells you but God has made righteous provisions for you in this regard also, please search it out. Pain is pain, I'd never disregard it, however I'd be remiss if I disregarded what my Father tells me so clearly through scriptures There is help for what to do in EVERY facet of a believers daily life. I pray that you will seek before you make a final decision and that you realise that waiting on the Lord takes reading in the word, prayer and fellowship. Z (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 2:11 PM)
"Thank you Z! Gerard (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 2:31 PM)
"God's timing is supernatural. My husband and I had a counseling session today with a couple and the husband called to cancel. He gave my husband his reasons and I has just finished listening to this program. This situation today is a perfect reflection of what is going on in this couple's life. I recommended the program but they don't speak English so I am going to translate it now. Please pray that they will listen to God's voice and put God in the throne instead of themselves and their wishes and rights... there names Elisa and Rafael. Please also pray that we might be able to offer all this programs in spanish soon! Laura (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 2:45 PM)
"I loved this message today. I have to say I was a lot like Nancy A when we first got married 24 years ago. I didn't want to spend time with anyone but my husband who still had his friends. We did become closer in our walk with God and the closer to God, he brought us closer together. We have had our ups and downs but God is always in control and I have learned to let the controlling spirit leave and get on with submission as I should. I have a bible study group who is struggling with their marriages and I am going to use this to help them. God bless you today." Karyn (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 2:58 PM)
"I am so happy to pray for you Laura, what an awsome responsibility the Lord has put into you and your husbands hands. I'm glad you shared today about the language barrier thing, I prayed also about that. May you be richly blessed as you work for His purposes. Jenny (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 3:00 PM)
"To Anthony, Sharon (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 3:08 PM)
"To Sharon, Gerard (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 3:30 PM)
"Praise God for His power to heal marriages. I remember a time when I did not love my husband. But I am happy to say that today, I do. It took a lot of time in the wood shed with God, but I am now a humbler, kinder , and much wiser woman. And He is definately not done with me yet. I learned that I cannot change my husband, but I can let God change me. And through this, my husband has changed too, and although he is not a christian, he is a wonderful husband. It is easy to be discontent. It is hard to be the single parent at church, but I know that God is in control. He has a plan and I must submit to this. I have found God's way is best, I dont always understand it, but just surrendering the fight is peace. Sarah (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 4:29 PM)
"Gerard, Sharon (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 4:55 PM)
"Sharon, Gerard (on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 8:11 PM)
"Gerald and Anthony, Brenda (on Tuesday, February 16, 2010 at 12:19 AM)
"Anthony, I am in the same EXACT boat. You need to separate from her as it states in the Bible that if two cannot agree, then they must separate so that they Lord can do his work on the other. If the other commits adultery or becomes and unbeliever then you are free to go and re-marry. Here is a good source in which I received this information: https://store.walkintheword.com/p-1022-what-does-the-bible-say-about-divorce.aspx Jules (on Tuesday, February 16, 2010 at 10:35 AM)
"I am shocked at the cavalier attitude of those of you who are not in my situation. Telling me abuse is right were God wants me to be. Anthony (on Tuesday, February 16, 2010 at 12:01 PM)
 Kimberly Wagner (on Tuesday, February 16, 2010 at 2:07 PM)
"To Anthony - After reading your heartfelt comments about your marriage, I am deeply saddened that you and your wife are choosing to divorce. I believe in marriage and I hate to hear about marriages breaking apart. But on a positive note for Anthony, I have been married 12 years to a wonderful, thoughtful, God-fearing Man of God. His story is that he was married for a year & a half to his first wife before she left him. After that, God softened his heart toward marriage and he is very kind to me and we both work hard to please each other for God's sake. I thank God that his first wife divorced him because he has been a gift and a blessing and we have a blessed daughter that God has sent us. The point I am trying to make is that God will have grace and mercy on situations that seem to be unforgivable by people. That is why God is GOD. Enjoy your life. BUT before you do ANYTHING - Pray and get complete and accurate directions from your Heavenly Father. That will make all the difference. Before I married my husband, I asked God if it will be alright to marry him since he was divorced. God told me to marry him, that HE would make everything alright and God has done just that. So whatever you do, get God's word on the situation. Be Blessed" Danita (on Tuesday, February 16, 2010 at 5:24 PM)
"Anthony- M (on Tuesday, February 16, 2010 at 6:28 PM)
"Anthony, like I said before. I was and still sort of am in the same EXACT situation. Your wife may have a mental illness. To me it sounds like she has "borderline personality disorder", but I am not qualified to make a diagnosis. Actually I am pretty certain from what you have written here that she does. Jules (on Tuesday, February 16, 2010 at 7:29 PM)
"I'm fairly sure, and I say this with love, that no one even mildly suggested that you'd 'Go to hell.' if you left your marriage. Dear brother, you have some anger that seems to accidently spilling over towards your brethren. Understandable in your wretchedly tense and intense situation. Yet still not becoming. I pray that you can set aside the bottled anger (because of very real situations) when you are not facing angry people. God has more grace than we could ever dream possible, His forgiveness is beyond what we are capable of, I think not one Christian could deny this. What you see here is people who have hope in hopeless situations. Some, like myself who've actually BEEN there. I believe anyone would pray as Jules said that you take things slowly, without haste (not force yourself to stay, but to find a godly way). May your paths be blessed and your heart find healing peace." Anon (on Wednesday, February 17, 2010 at 9:04 AM)
"My mom stayed married to my dad for over 40 years. He was an alcoholic and abusive until he died last year. Although it was so hard my mom as a Christian received so much grace and wisdom, love, comfort, and strength from God. We all did, but especially her!!! My brothers and I had to bear much also, but I am sooooooo glad they stayed together. I am so glad the family was not broken up. No separation and no divorce. Praise God for sustaining us and showing us individually His deep love in the midst of it all! And bringing the ongoing healing in our lives. All Praise and Glory be to God for what He will do when parents honor their vows (until death) and at least one in the family puts their total trust in God! My mom was such an example to me! If I get married, I have a living example planted in my mind." Tanya (on Wednesday, February 17, 2010 at 7:48 PM)
"www.GODSAVEMYMARRIAGE.com" Get (on Thursday, February 18, 2010 at 10:40 AM)
"Anthony, Anthony, Anthony. Sounds like you are just a perfect guy who has given everything in the marriage. Was your wife acting like this when you married her? Probably not or you would not have married her. So... what happened, what changed? You have not continued to pursue her. You have not laid down your life for her. You have not listened to her heart. You have not initiated. You have not honored your vows. You are pouting like a two year old. If you would stop responding to her outbursts and just listen to her heart you will begin the process of healing your marriage. She is crying out and you just ignore her. She is crying out because she has a husband who promised to love her but has decided that his feelings and his needs are more important than hers. Time to grow up pal. Listen to her heart. Initiate. Seek to understand. Put away selfishness. You can restore your marriage. You need to put your needs, wants, desires aside for a season and concentrate on your wife." Steve (on Thursday, February 18, 2010 at 10:56 AM)
"I can relate to this same situation my husband seemed to reject me alot and spend more time on the computer than with me. I love very deeply when I fall in love I tryed to hold back my heart but I couldnt. Im a nurturing woman that comes form a good up bringing where I was taught to love and to communicate when we have an issue. Well that was not the case in my marriage with me loosing site of GOD and putting all my focus on my husband caused me to slip. I dropped the ball my husband left the house and said that it was not working. I was hurt because all I wanted to do was talk it out ann set boundaries about keeping in contact with opposite sex friends as well as the single friends. There should be some kind of limit. Well he did not see it that way. Well I went to an important bussiness meeting concerning my daughter and tryed talking to him and asking him could we work things out and that I loved him so much.. Again he said that it was not working there I was stranding in the place of bussiness fellings crushed and crying. To top it all off after we finished taking care of bussiness I asked him again can we go and eat the food that I prepaired for us over to my neice house my husbands reponse was I have to go and pick up my wallet from my sister house I said well do you want me to just meet you at our neice house. His reponse was yes so I traveled way across town to find my self sitting there for like 3 and a half hours. My fellings were crushed even more so I cryed my self all the way home. Well that night I went out with my auntie I had a nice time, Now heres the part were I dropped the ball I came in the house early in the morning I allowed another man to come come into my home where he laid sleep in my bed. We did not have sexual relations at all my husband came to the house and found him in the bed though I was not in the bed with him it didnt matter wto my husband, I told my husband nothing happen well now hes furious with me and threatining me with the word that is contary to the word of God divorce and I dont receive that in the name of Jesus. Ladies please please please stay focused on God and not the person or person's that you feel that are hurting you. I love my husband and have endured a lot and has forgiving alot but now its my turn for mercy and forgiveness and it seems as if I cant get it from him. God has forgiving me and so have I. Dont allow anyone to push you out of your God giving destiny of following Him even when we dont know what to do . God bless you and much love......" Sunshine (on Thursday, February 18, 2010 at 6:12 PM)
"Sunshine, A (on Friday, February 19, 2010 at 1:53 AM)
"As a teen, I asked my dad to separate from my mom. This is because she would act crazy and hurt the whole family. I saw his suffering, begged God to fix things, but He didn't (at that time). My dad feared God and chose to stay in the marriage and love as best he could. I saw it as avoidance and foolishness. Karen (on Saturday, February 20, 2010 at 4:34 PM)
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""Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope; The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; 
"This story talks to me personally, although not in the physical adultery aspect of it. It confirms to my mind yet again that I am married to Christ and that I must remain attached, tethered to His heart. It is so easy to get distracted and be swept away from our foundation. In that sense, I have committed spiritual adultery against Christ because I don't always make the right little decisions which will keep me close to Him and His purposes. Instead, I waste time and energy pursuing mundane things of no eternal consequence. I am so blessed today to be reminded of the omnipresence of the Hound of Heaven, my beloved Savior who offers grace and love to me, a most unworthy recipient. Thank you, Lord! And thank you, ROH, for letting your light shine!"