A Wise Woman's Commitment

Series: Becoming a Woman of Discretion

Leslie Basham: When it comes to marriage, a wise woman knows the difference between satisfying temporary desires and seeking long-term fulfillment.

This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss for Wednesday, February 18.

It seems that everywhere we turn, there's an advertisement offering instant gratification. Today we'll hear from Nancy that sometimes a wise woman will say, "No" to a quick fix. Let's join Nancy as we continue in a series called Becoming a Woman of Discretion.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: We've been looking in Proverbs, chapter 7, at an encounter between a foolish woman and a foolish young man. And we're looking particularly at the foolish woman to see what characteristics identify this woman and to ask ourselves, "Do I demonstrate any of those characteristics in my life, in my attitude toward the Lord or my relationships with men?"

Now we come to verse 18 in Proverbs, chapter 7. And this foolish woman who is still initiating this encounter with this young man, she is a married woman, she is a religious woman; but she's dressed seductively; she's talking smoothly; she's building up his ego with her words of admiration. She's speaking of intimate details of her bedroom with this young man.

And in verse 18 she says to him, now here's where she goes to kill, she says, "Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning. Let us solace ourselves with love. For the good man, my husband, is not at home; he has gone on a long journey. He has taken a bag of money with him and will come at the day appointed."

We see in this passage that she is still the initiator in this relationship. We see also that this foolish woman does not understand the nature of genuine love because, you see, genuine love has everything to do with giving. It has nothing to do with getting. Someone has said that "lust can't wait to get, but love can always wait to give."

Here's a woman who is lusting after this man. She doesn't love him. She talks about "taking our fill of love until the morning--let us solace ourselves with love." But it's not love that she's talking about; it's lust. She's wanting to receive. She's wanting something to satisfy her needs. She's not thinking about her husband. She's not thinking about any children they may have. She's not thinking about this young man's future. She's only considering her own immediate gratification.

And that's highlighted by the words, "until the morning." Lust only lasts until morning. Love lasts through fire, through water, through floods, through danger, through better and worse and sickness and health. Love never fails.

She's settling for a cheap substitute of what God intended for her to have with her husband. Now that doesn't mean that her marriage is an easy one or that her husband is an easy man. We don't know. He may be a very difficult man to live with. But she can still pour into the life of that husband, the love that God can put in her heart--supernatural love for that man.

Instead, she's looking for something cheap and quick and easy and filling. She's offering to this man who is not her husband, something that is not hers to give. She's offering him herself, her body, her heart, her affection, her admiration. And all of that belongs to someone else--it belongs to her husband.

First Corinthians 7 says that the wife's body does not belong to herself. And the husband's body is not his own, that the husband's body belongs to his wife. And the woman who is married, her body belongs to her husband.

This foolish woman and this young man have not become sexually intimate yet. They have not done an immoral act, but they are well on the way. They're being set up for moral failure by this lifestyle that is willing to sacrifice the permanent on the altar of the immediate.

For a little bit of immediate pleasure, she's willing to throw away a marriage that could, if she'd work at it and if she and her husband together would focus on that marriage, something that could become a relationship of great beauty and value. She's failing to think of the long-term impact of her words, her actions and her choices.

I don't know about you but I find myself in many areas of my life doing the very same thing in more subtle ways and maybe ways that won't lead to immorality but ways that will be costly. We make choices to do what feels good now not stopping to contemplate the long-term consequences.

Do you think that if Eve would have stopped for a moment there in the Garden of Eden to think what just taking a bite of that piece of fruit would do to her life, to a relationship with God, to her husband, to her children, one of whom murdered another one of her children, to their children and to us, generations later? If she'd stopped to think about the long-term implications of that choice, do you think she might have decided differently?

You see, the foolish woman doesn't think about what's after the morning. The foolish woman just thinks about what will make me happy now.

And let me say that if you're living in a difficult or painful marriage, you've got to be willing to look past the morning in that marriage, too, and to see what God over the long haul can do by His grace.

Oh, maybe you can't see it yet. Maybe there's no evidence of your husband ever becoming a real man of God. And there is no guarantee that he ever will. But ask God to give you faith for what that man could be if you would be willing to make a long-term commitment and investment in that man?

I'm not saying it's easy. It's a whole lot easier to go out and find a stranger who will satisfy you till the morning. But that's not love. And it won't satisfy. And you'll find yourself as so many women have told me that they have found themselves wounded, with a broken life, broken relationships and their lives in shambles. And it starts with these little choices of saying "I've got to have satisfaction now and I'm not willing to wait."

She says to this foolish young man, "My husband's not at home. He's gone on a long journey. And he'll come back at a certain day. I know that he's gone, and I know that he will not see or know what we are doing. She thinks no one will know.

But she's forgotten about the One who knows and sees everything--and that's her God. For, you see, the Scripture says, "The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good." God sees. God knows. That's why as women we need to learn to live in the fear of the Lord, not the dread of the Lord, although we ought to dread His judgment if we do not surrender to Him.

But more than that, this conscious, constant sense that God is here, that He is with me in this conversation. Would I be dressing this way, talking this way, using my eyes this way, communicating this attitude this way, if I were conscious that God is the Third Person present in this situation?

One of the things I ask God to develop in me is a fear of the Lord. The consciousness that He is there, that He is evaluating and weighing not only what I do but also the motives of my heart.

It's possible that this woman, this foolish woman, is seeking to get needs met that aren't getting met at home. And I'll just say this (if you've been married for longer than three days, you already know this) and that is that there is no husband who can meet all of your needs.

And for those in this room who are not married, write that down and remember it because our hearts tell us that there's this expectation that if it were just this right man my needs could get met. But there's no man, no matter how godly, who can meet the deepest needs of a woman's heart.

God didn't intend your heart to be filled in its deepest part by a man, but by Himself. So she's seeking to get needs met that aren't getting met elsewhere, but she's looking the wrong direction. She's looking outward rather than upward.

Now compare this woman to the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31, where we're told that "The heart of her husband doth faithfully trust in her. She will do him good and not evil, all the days of her life" (Proverbs 31:11).

That doesn't mean that that husband of that virtuous woman is the ideal or the perfect husband, there isn't one, by the way. There is no such perfect or ideal husband.

But it says that no matter what his failures or flaws, he knows that he's got a woman that he can trust; that she can be trusted whether he's at home or on a business trip or wherever he is to do him good and not evil all the days of his life, that she will be faithful.

Let me say to those of you women who are married. The real test of your faithfulness in that marriage is what happens when your husband is gone. Now I don't mean just literally gone from home perhaps on a business trip or out traveling, that's a test when he's physically or geographically gone.

But even more so, perhaps, when there are those times that he's emotionally gone or that he's so busy with his work or the demands on his time or his schedule that you don't feel that you're getting the time, the attention, the focus that you long for. And you're living with some of those unfulfilled longings. And it happens in the best of marriages and relationships.

The test is when he's gone in those ways, for those seasons of time, will you be faithful? Will you even in the midst of those hard times do him good and not evil? If you will, then you'll be a woman who's wise and is building up your home. If not, you will be a foolish woman and you'll be tearing down that home.

Leslie Basham: That's Nancy Leigh DeMoss teaching us the marks of a wise woman. She'll be back to help us apply what we've learned in just a minute.

We hope that this series of messages called "Becoming a Woman of Discretion" is helping you to grow in godly wisdom. We hope that you'll continue to grow even after the series is over.

That's why we've designed the Becoming a Woman of Discretion makeover kit. Now, when you think of a makeover, you probably think of outward beauty, but this kit is different.

It'll help you develop the kind of beauty that will last forever. Why don't you order two copies so you and a friend can go through the material together?

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Have you ever walked away from a conversation and worried that you'd said the wrong thing? You'll want to listen tomorrow when Nancy Leigh DeMoss will tell us how to wise up before speaking to others. Now with a final challenge for today, here's Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: I just wonder if there may not be a woman, even in this room today, who finds herself being drawn toward a relationship that is an emotional or physical attachment that you know is not a right one.

Can I remind you that Eve thought she was going to get some needs met when she took the first bite of that fruit? It was pleasant to the eyes. It looked attractive to her. She thought it would fill her up.

But she took one bite into that fruit and found, so to speak, that she had a mouth filled with worms. What you think will satisfy, if it's not God's best for you, will not satisfy. It will leave you destroyed and miserable and unhappy--more than you ever dreamed could be possible, by being faithful to the situation where God has placed you.

Leslie Basham:

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a ministry partnership of Life Action Ministry.

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