A Foolish Woman's Attire

Series: Becoming a Woman of Discretion

Leslie Basham: The Book of Proverbs tells us about a foolish woman who lured an unsuspecting subject into her snare with her attire. Take a look in the mirror. Is the way you are dressed more likely to build up the men around you or draw them into a snare.

It's Thursday, February 12. Thanks for joining us for Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy has been teaching a series from Proverbs 7 called "Becoming a Woman of Discretion." That's also the name of a very helpful booklet that Nancy has written. To get a copy you can visit our Web site ReviveOurHearts.com. Now let's join Nancy.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: We've been looking at Proverbs 7 trying to understand some of the characteristics of a foolish woman. We've said that the foolish woman has a destructive life, she tears down her house.

We want to be wise women, godly women who build up our homes. So we need to make sure there are no characteristics of this foolish woman in our lives.

Now in this case she is an immoral woman. We may not be that immoral woman ourselves but we may have some of these traits that we are seeing described in this passage.

We've seen that there is a simple, foolish young man who is attracted to this woman who has an immoral or a loose heart.

And yesterday in verses 6-9 we saw the description of how they were like magnets attracted to each other. The passage says that this writer "Beheld among the simple ones, discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding. Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house, in the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night." They were putting themselves into a place, a time, a position where it was going to be natural for them do foolish things.

The passage goes on to tell us in verse 10: "And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtle of heart. (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.)

^"So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him, 'I have peace offerings with me; this day have I paid my vows.'" She goes on to say in verse 18: "Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves."

Now let's just unpack some of those verses and see, one phrase at a time, some of the characteristics of this foolish woman. How does she lure this man into her trap?

Now we're not saying he is without responsibility. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He set himself up for this. That's why the Scripture says that he is simple or foolish.

But she becomes the woman who ultimately destroys him and tears him down. Verse 10 says: "There met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtle of heart."

Now as we go on in this passage, we see that she is a married woman. These characteristics could be true of married women or single women. We have both in the room today. This particular woman is married. The problem is that she is not focusing her love, her attention, her devotion on her husband.

And the reason for that, I believe, is found as we go on in this passage. The reason is that she is not satisfied with what God has provided for her. So as a result she is not channeling her love, her efforts into her husband but rather she is pouring herself into another man.

I believe this woman would find if she would channel all this effort and attention and admiration that she is going to give to the man who is not her husband, if she would channel it into her husband, she might discover that her own marriage could become more of what God intended for it to be.

Now, in verse 10 we see that this woman is dressed in the attire of a harlot. Notice that it doesn't say she is a harlot. She is a married woman and we're going to see she is actually a religious woman.

But she's dressed like a harlot. Now it's interesting to me that in this passage the outward manifestation is what is talked about first. It goes on to say in this verse that she is subtle of heart. As we've said before what is in the heart invariably will come out, not only in the way we talk (we saw that in yesterday's passage) but also in the way that we dress.

Women, one of the things that so grieves my heart today is how few Christian women understand the meaning of dressing modestly and how we have so lowered the standard because of a very immodest, suggestive culture that we find ourselves blending into, fitting into the culture rather than holding up a standard, the beautiful standard of God's woman who with a pure heart expresses that outwardly in dress that is modest, discreet and wholesome.

And that's why as parents it is so important (those of you who have children) to be teaching your children how to dress in a way that is modest and that is appropriate.

I'll never forget when I was a teenager and I was getting ready to do a piano recital that we were having in our home. I came downstairs dressed for the recital.

Now, let me tell you it was not my heart to be immodest. And least I didn't think that it was. I wasn't conscious that it was. But as I came downstairs all dressed for this concert, my dad came up to me and quietly pulled me aside and said honey, "I don't think that dress is modest."

Now it wasn't everything about the dress, he got a little more specific. As a young girl, I needed to know what was not modest about this dress. How I thank the Lord (as uncomfortable as that moment was) for a dad who loved me enough to teach me the ways of wisdom.

You see, we're all born foolish. That's why we have to be instructed in the ways of wisdom--to learn a heart of wisdom. And that moment years ago has so helped my consciousness to realize that the men around us are seeing things in ways that we women don't see.

You'll see this all the way through the Scripture, that men are drawn first through the eye gate and something that to me as a woman or to you as a woman might not seem to be suggestive or immodest can have the result in a man's heart and mind of creating thoughts and ideas that are not pure. So the tendency today is to say: "That's their problem; they've got those dirty minds; they need to get over that."

Women, that's a foolish way of thinking. The wise woman says: "That's my problem, I am responsible to dress and to talk and carry myself in a way that helps the men around me to move toward purity." Now what they do with that, they are responsible for. They have to be deal with their own issues before God.

But women, we are responsible for the way that we dress. It's hard in a public setting like this to be as specific and as explicit as we probably need to be in teaching our daughters. But get specific when you talk with them.

Don't do it in a way that embarrasses them or points them out in public. Be willing as moms to have the courage to stand strong on these matters with a gracious spirit, with a heart of love and compassion, knowing that ultimately you are protecting your daughter from the wrong kind of men.

And you're going to hear from your daughter, "But Mom, everyone else dresses this way." I don't know how you handle that in your family but in our family when those kinds of issues would come up: "But Mom, But Dad, Everyone else.........." And I'm telling you we were in a Bible preaching church; we were in a Christian school; in many ways we were in a protected environment but my parents had ways that they believed God wanted our family to live that was just different from everyone else around us.

And their way of dealing with those kinds of reactions on our part was: "But you aren't everyone else's children. You belong first to the Lord and God has put you in our home and God has given us the responsibility of leading you and teaching you and shepherding you. We want God's best for you and that's why we are going to insist that whether you understand it or not, whether you like it or not, whether you agree with it or not, you are not the parents in this home. God has given us that responsibility."

Now you don't have to raise your voice to say that; you don't have to get into an argument to say that (it takes two to argue) but you do have to be firm and say, "This is the way it's going to be."

Now, as you do, teach your daughters the heart behind this so that they won't just conform outwardly and the moment they are out of your home they let their hearts lead them to do what they've wanted to do all along.

Your goal is not just to get your daughters to dress modestly. Your goal is to get your daughters to have a heart that so loves Jesus that they want to reflect in every way possible His beauty, His radiance, His wholesomeness and His purity.

Now we see that this woman who is dressed seductively is subtle of heart. Not only is she dressed like a harlot but she has the heart of an immoral woman. It speaks of an internal heart attitude. It speaks of a woman who is crafty and secretive in her motives and her intent. She has a hidden motive; she has a hidden agenda. She actually sets out to ensnare, to trap this man.

Now, most women would not admit to doing this. But women I think we can be honest with each other and say deep in all of our hearts that there are those moments when we know that our motives are not pure, oh, maybe not to actually live out immorality but to draw attention to ourselves in a way that is not appropriate.

So guard your heart. You know, one of the prayers I pray, probably more often than any other in my life is: "Oh, Lord, please guard my heart, help me to guard my heart." Because if you have a pure heart that will manifest itself in the way that you talk, in the way that you dress, in the way that you relate (not only to men but even to other women, to children, to others around you).

Leslie Basham: As Nancy Leigh DeMoss has reminded us today modesty is something that should never go out of style. A wise woman will dress in a way that reflects her purity and her integrity. Nancy will return in just a minute to pray with us about this important issue.

And to help you make wise choices in the area of modesty, Nancy has put together a list of five questions every woman should ask herself. If you are ready to re-evaluate your wardrobe, getting a copy of this list would be a great first step.

We'll send you a free copy when you call us at 1-800-569-5959. Or write to Revive Our Hearts. You can also get more information at ReviveOurHearts.com.

One mark of a foolish woman is busyness. How does a frenzied lifestyle lead us into unwise choices? That will be our topic tomorrow in Revive Our Hearts. Now here's Nancy to lead us in prayer.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Let's bow our hearts and I'd like for us to just stop here and let God search our hearts. Be honest and open with Him and say, "Lord, is there subtleness in my heart, is their impurity in my heart, do I have motives or thoughts toward other men that are not appropriate. Then ask the Lord to show you specifically, even in this matter of dress and clothing and modesty.

That's a sensitive area and I do not want to speak where the Scripture does not speak. But God will show you, if you have an open heart, if there are things that you are wearing or things that you are allowing your daughters to wear that are not wholesome and pure and modest.

If God shows you the standard for your life (maybe it's okay in this world, maybe it looks real conservative according to this world's standards) but it's not the standard that God would have you to have, then would you agree with God and say: "If You'll show me what it means to be modest, to be chaste even in the way that I dress, that's what I want to be true of me." O Father again, we just pray that You'll make us wise women; that we may build our houses and that You may be glorified through our lives.

I pray in Jesus name, Amen.

Leslie Basham:

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a ministry partnership of Life Action Ministry.

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