Holly Elliff:

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Terror? Of what?

Holly Elliff: Well, just in the sense of wondering whether there was some biblical reason I had never examined for why I would not have a larger family. I was very content with the idea of four children.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: And you were expecting your fourth at the time?

Holly Elliff: Yes, I was expecting our fourth child at the time--and suddenly we began to be just really troubled in our spirits when we went before the Lord. We began to question, "Where did this number come from? Do we have the right to determine that, and why have we never even considered whether we have the right to make that decision?" Up until that point, it had been a non-issue in our lives.

So we really began to wonder, "What does the Bible say about this? Why are these other families choosing to have more children?" I thought it was a very radical thing for them to do, and it did make me very afraid.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: What were your worst nightmares when you and Bill were dealing with these questions?

Holly Elliff: My worst nightmares were wearing maternity clothes for the rest of my life and weighing 400 pounds! I really had a vision of mothers of large families that was not very flattering and, personally, I did not want to be one.

But, we were troubled about this, so, eventually, we went to the godly parents of a large family. We knew they sought the Lord in the decisions they made so we asked them why they had so many children. (I think they had seven or eight at the time.) Their response really challenged us to do what someone had challenged them to do, i.e., to pick up the Bible and become like Berean Christians.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: And Berean Christians were those who didn't just accept the apostles' teaching. They checked for themselves to be sure that what the apostles were saying was really consistent with the Word of God.

Holly Elliff: Right.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: So you were being challenged to take your viewpoint and put it up against the grid and let the Word...

Holly Elliff: Really, we didn't even know what our viewpoint was! In the early days of our marriage, we pretty much just did what everyone around us was doing. I don't remember anyone ever suggesting that we should put it up against the standard of God's Word. But here we were being challenged for the first time to really examine our decision in light of the Scriptures.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: So, at this point you were a pastor's wife; you already had three children and a fourth one on the way; and, I assume, there was some question about income here? Perhaps you were living on a limited income so that had to be a factor in your thinking as you went to the Bible. Were there some hesitations or reservations affecting your thinking as you began to study God's view of this?

Holly Elliff: There was tremendous hesitation! It took about six months of going to God's Word, looking at the Scriptures and asking myself, "What does God say about the whole area of children? What do I believe about children, and what do I believe about why God might put more children in my life?"

The whole issue of God's sovereignty in that area had never before occurred to me. I had never wondered, "Is there any sense in which I might be violating God's sovereignty in controlling the size of my family?"

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Tomorrow when we pick up your story, Holly, we're going to talk about what happened when you did get into the Word. We're going to find out what you discovered that challenged your thinking. But right now, I want to go back to something you said earlier that I think applies not only to childbearing but also to every area of a Christian's life.

When you were discussing making choices about the number of children you and Bill should have, the verse that came to my mind was Romans 12:2 where the apostle Paul says, "Be not conformed to this world." The translation says, "Don't let the world press you into its' mold."

And isn't it the case so often that, whether it's in childbearing or in marriage or in work-related decisions or in other areas of relationships, that we make our decisions based on what the world around us is doing! What I appreciate so much about the way you and Bill processed this issue was that you said, "We're not going to let the world determine our thinking. We're going to go back to the Bible and ask, with an open heart and with fears, "What does God say? What does God's Word say?" And you really have made the Bible your final authority.

You know, I believe in every area of our lives--as women, as men, married, single, with children, no children--a key issue comes down: "Am I willing to let the Word of God be the supreme authority in every area of my life?"

Leslie Basham: The Bible is not something we read out of duty. Nancy has reminded us that the Bible needs to be central to all of our decisions.

If you've never thought about some of the things Nancy and our guest Holly Elliff have been discussing today, why don't you call us and order the program on cassette? We'll send you the entire series called Embracing God's Gift of Children, for a suggested donation of $5. Just call 1-800-569-5959.

You can also order a copy or read the transcript of today's program on our Web site, ReviveOurHearts.com.

And would you consider writing and telling us how God is using Revive Our Hearts in your life? Our address is Revive Our Hearts. When you contact us, we'd love to hear that you would commit to praying for this program or supporting it financially. We are listener supported and need your prayers and gifts.

And, now, with a final thought on God's sovereignty as it relates to the size of a family, here's Nancy.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: I realize that, for many people, this is a really threatening or intimidating subject we've been discussing. In fact, Holly said, "Sometimes when people find out I have eight children, they're just terrified at the very thought of that." If you're one of those people who may be sitting there thinking, I cannot imagine taking this particular viewpoint or approach to the whole matter of childbearing, let me just encourage you not to be overwhelmed but to make it a matter of prayer and to go before the Lord and say, "Lord, what is your view on this? How do you want me to think? Please give me an open heart and an open mind as I seek you on this matter."

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy DeMoss is a ministry partnership of Life Action Ministries.