Daily Program

A Wise Woman's Words

Series: Becoming a Woman of Discretion

Leslie Basham: As a woman, did you know you possess a powerful weapon? Here's Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: A woman has a weapon that is as strong and stronger than any man has in his physical strength. And it's this little thing called "the tongue" which is attached to the heart. So, what's in the heart comes out in the tongue and has the ability to absolutely overpower any man.

Leslie Basham: This is Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss for Thursday, February 19.

As women, we can underestimate the power our words have on the men around us. We need to learn how to speak in a way that builds others up. Let's join Nancy as she considers the power of the tongue.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: We've been looking at a portrait of a foolish woman as painted for us in Proverbs, chapter 7. And I want to begin reading in verse 21 as we see how this foolish woman has seduced and ensnared a foolish young man, a man who is not her husband.

Her husband is away on a business trip and she has gone after this young man. She's drawn him into her trap. Verse 21 shows how she actually lures him in. Verse 21 says "With her much fair speech she caused him to yield; with the flattering or the smoothness of her lips, she forced him. He goeth after her straightway [or immediately] as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, till a dart strike through his liver. As a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life."

Now this writer says, "Hearken unto me now, therefore, oh ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth." "Listen up" he was saying. "It's is really, really, important that you pay attention."

Verse 25, "Let not thine heart decline to her ways. Go not astray in her path, for she hath cast down many wounded, yea many strong men have been slain by her. Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death."

We see in verse 21 as we did in the first verse describing this woman back in verse 5, that she uses her speech, her words, to entice him. "With her much fair speech, she caused him to yield; with a flattering or smoothness of her lips, she forced him."

Now you don't usually think of women as forcing men. We think sometimes of men as forcing women in a physical sense. But a woman has a weapon that is as strong and stronger than any man has in his physical strength. And it's this little thing called "the tongue," which is attached to the heart. So what's in the heart comes out in the tongue and has the ability to absolutely overpower any man.

When I read this verse, I can't help but think about another woman in the Old Testament. Her name is Delilah. And we know how she enticed Samson. It talks about here that the foolish woman has much fair speech that causes this man to yield.

She just overpowers this man with her persistence and her words. She gets him ultimately to yield to whatever it is that she wants. It talks about much fair speech here. And that's a convicting point to me, as we're examining our own hearts and saying, "Lord, are there any characteristics of this foolish woman in my life?" She speaks a lot.

And Proverbs tells us that in the multitude of words, sin is not absent (Proverbs 10:19). When we talk too much, we will sin. And, women, this is something we need to ask God to search our own hearts about and to show us, "Are we women who just talk too much? Who say everything we think?" It all has to come out.

I mean, even good things. That's one of the dangers, by the way, about being a teacher of the Word to others. You talk a lot. And one of the things I often pray before I teach the Word is this prayer from Psalm 19. "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord."

And I pray, "Oh, Lord, I know that I'm going to be saying a lot today. Help me not to sin with my lips. May my words be truthful and pure, guard my tongue." And the way we do that is by guarding our hearts.

"With her much fair speech she caused him to yield. She seduced him with her smooth talk," (as some of your translations say)--the power of words, to use flattery, flirtatious words, bold words, seductive speech, to manipulate a man to do what it is that you want him to do.

By the way, you can use this against your husband as well. It's not just in the matter of immoral relationships. And with much fair speech you can cause your husband to make choices that are not what God would want him to make.

So, before we speak, we need to make sure that we've asked the Lord, "Is this what You want me to say? Are these the right words? Is this the right timing? Is this the right spirit in which to say these words? And have I already said too much, and is it time just to be quiet?"

The contrast to this foolish woman again can be found in Proverbs, chapter 31, with the virtuous woman. And I love that verse, I believe it's verse 26, where it says "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness."

And, so many times I ask the Lord as I go out into the course of my day and I know I'm going to be interacting with people and in conversations and discussions, and I say, "Lord, let the words of my mouth be kind and wise." If it's not kind and it's not wise, don't say it. You know, I think sometimes men just get tired of hearing us talk, and they just give in.

If we're going to insist on talking and talking and talking, they may give in just to get us to stop talking. And that's why, whether it's in your marriage or in relationships with other men, if you want to be a wise woman, ask God to give you a wise and kind heart that will express itself in wise and kind words.

And ask yourself, "Am I speaking as kindly to those in my own home as I do to those at work, church, to other women, to other men? Shouldn't our kindest words be reserved for those who are closest to us? Yet, so often those are the ones we take advantage of. And those words, like the piercing of a sword, Proverbs (12:18) says, can be so deadly.

Well, verse 26 tells us that this foolish woman has "cast down many wounded, yea many strong men have been slain by her." This is one of the most sobering verses in my own life as I sought to become a woman of wisdom.

And years ago, as a young teenager, God began to impress on my heart that my life, as much as I wanted to seek after God and be a wise woman, that I could be the means by which, not one, not a few, but many men would be cast down.

It talks about two kinds of men who are cast down by this kind of foolish woman: the wounded man and the strong man. And men often find themselves in one of these two categories: a wounded man, one who's been hurt in some way; he's emotionally vulnerable or weak, and this foolish woman comes into his life and she casts him down. He may be a man who's spiritually strong, but after a great spiritual victory he becomes vulnerable to pride; and at that point, a foolish woman can be the undoing of that man.

Now, how does she cast him down? She does it by discouragement, and by ensnaring in some cases, men in an immoral sense. Now, you may not have ever been involved in an immoral relationship with a man. And you may not be on your way to an immoral relationship.

But ask yourself as you think about the men that you know, your husband, your sons, the men in your church, the men that you work with, have I cast down those men with my words, with my spirit? Have I intimidated them or have I discouraged them?

Those weak men are going to tend to be discouraged more easily. And those strong men are going to easily be intimidated. That's where we need to ask God to make us wise women.

In so many ways, we women foolishly cast down the men around us, and I think one of the ways we often do that in our culture is with humor about men. It's politically correct today for women to make men-bashing statements. And could I appeal to you, plead with you, do not be one of those women who talks that way. It is not appropriate.

The Scripture says (1 Corinthians 11:7) that the woman is the glory of the man. And when we women make humorous or light or "put down" comments about men in general or, God forbid, about your husband in particular, we become a means of discouraging, emasculating those men, weakening them. Just like putting a sword into that man.

You say, "My husband's not much of a man." He doesn't act like a man. He doesn't have courage. He doesn't take initiative. He's not a spiritual leader. Ask yourself, "Is it possible that I may have cast down this man with my comparing him to other men, with my discouraging comments, my critical comments, my always trying to remake him into something that he's not?"

You know, your husband may have given up, just given up years ago, because he felt he could never live up to your expectations. You've made him a prisoner of your expectations.

And I would just say, "If you want to be a wise woman, let him go. Trust him to God." Now, you pray like crazy, and you love like crazy. But rather than casting down, tearing down as a foolish woman, say "Oh God, I want to build up with words of love and encouragement and grace." God can use you to build up that man.

Leslie Basham: That's Nancy Leigh DeMoss helping us understand the way our words can build up those around us. Nancy will be back in just a moment to close our time in prayer.

We want to provide some words that build you up. And so we put together a series of booklets to help you grow in godly wisdom. They all come together in our Becoming a Woman of Discretion makeover kit. They'll help you evaluate the wisdom of your choices. And show you how to walk in maturity.

For more information you can visit ReviveOurHearts.com or call 1‑800‑569‑5959.  And would you consider helping us spread the kind of message that you heard today?

Listen to this letter from a woman who said, "I was convicted by today's program. So many times I have opened my mouth, and the things that have come out to family members were not pleasing to God or uplifting to my home. I have repented and asked God to help me think before I speak and to make me a woman who has something to say."

You can help us speak to women like her. Would you consider making a donation to this ministry?

Well, we all like happy endings. Tomorrow we'll hear how wisdom will keep us from a tragic end. Now here's Nancy to end our time in prayer.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss: Oh, Father, I shudder to think how many wounded or strong men I may have cast down by my spirit or my words, and maybe not even realized what I was doing.

Oh Lord, would You have mercy on me and on us as women for some of the ways that we've made it so difficult for men to be godly and to be leaders. Help us to take responsibility for our lives.

We're not responsible for their failures, but so often we as women are pictured today as just victims of male oppressors. And I know there are women who really have truly been victimized by men, but that should not let us shirk our responsibility to say that many of us have been foolish women, and we have cast down many men. Oh, Lord, forgive us. Change us. Make us wise in our hearts, with our words, with our spirits, with our attitudes, with our love--genuine love. May we build up the men that you have put into our lives. I pray in Jesus' name, Amen.

Leslie Basham:

Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a ministry partnership of Life Action Ministry.

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